Hi guys! If you missed the first part to this series, you may find part one HERE. I know some of you are probably asking yourselves, why is she trying so hard for a relationship with someone who clearly is not on the same page!!? Can’t she take a hint!? Yeah, looking back, I am asking myself the same thing. But to answer that question, I tried so hard because she was family, she was my sister, and WE are Christians…And ever since I knew myself, ever since I met her when I was 8 years old, I dreamed of having a sisterly relationship with her…and the rest of the other siblings too. But at that point (Nov, 2011) when we had that one email exchange where I poured my heart and soul out, clearly stating my hopes and dreams for our relationship as sister, I was kinda left hanging…I realized that I had to wake up and smell the coffee. I realized that it was TIME to stop trying and put away childish dreams. So I took her lack of response, refusal to clarify her statements, and refusal to have a conversation as her saying she couldn’t give me what I wanted…She couldn’t promise to be a friend, sister and aunty to my future children, or to have a really strong, close relationship. And while that did hurt, accepting it was rather freeing…
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Monday, September 9, 2013
I have been inspired to write a series of posts that will take us through my past, present and future dealings with relationships. I’ll talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly…and really, why are relationships just so hard!!? My first post will resurrect an email I sent to my sister about two years ago. But before I do, I must share some family history.
I don’t even know how to begin writing about the history of my family without writing a dissertation! But here is the short version… Many years before I was born, my father had several kids who subsequently moved to the US sometime in the late 70s…Out of an adulterous relationship, I was born…which will set the tone for the future relationships with my siblings.
I spent the first 22 years of my life in Trinidad and grew up as an “only child.” While I didn’t grow up with my father’s children, I always knew of them and for as long as I can remembered desired very much to have a relationship with them! I made several trips to the US during my childhood and was able to meet them…And that served to fuel my desire to be “with them.” In other words, I not only wanted to be physically in the US, I wanted to be part of the family…Share traditions, celebrate milestones etc.
Posted by Monique at 7:38 PM
Friday, September 6, 2013
I often say, “people and strange…and do strange things!” And I just don’t understand why. More recently, I have been thinking about my various relationships, the difficulties I have experienced within those relationships, and the sometimes failed end results. In the next few posts I’m going to talk about MY relationship experiences, my challenges, hopes and fears…I think about my son, and what I want to teach him, through my example, about how to build authentic relationships. Too many times we are not authentic in our relationships and really end up being very disingenuous….knowingly or unknowingly. I would like to give folks the benefit of the doubt that we unknowingly hurt others, we unknowingly stomp on people’s feelings, we unknowingly ignore the pain because of our own inner conflict. But sometimes when we DO know (maybe because the person told us), we deny, point the blame back on the person or even blame someone else…It’s so hard for us to accept that we hurt someone, especially when that was not our intention.
Posted by Monique at 10:48 PM