Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Phone Call

Today I called my step mom and dad…

Background- For the past year (LITERALLY) I have been trying to get my father to come and visit me in North Carolina. Since I have been in the U.S. NONE of my family have visited me…NOT EVEN FOR GRADUATION!! I digress. To be honest, I feel a little…no, a LOT hurt by that sometimes. I have been blessed to have my in-laws, friends, and church family near and far come and visit…But for some reason, it’s not my family’s prerogative. I have visited them…from NY to CA…I have visited my sisters…But I am still waiting on the day they would chose to visit me. Anyway, since we got our new home last year I have been asking my dad to come and visit me. At first, I told him that I wanted him to come and help us paint the house…I thought it would be a noble task for my daddy to help paint one of my rooms. Unfortunately, my step mother did not take me seriously and when it was time for me to buy the tickets, I got a WHOLE lot of BS…One big hullabaloo. My oldest sister even got involved and told me that I should NOT plan things without telling mom (my step mom) first. See, the problem was that my step mom never took me seriously…and it was ONLY when I told my father I purchased the ticket (I lied), everyone started to make a big deal out of it…

Well after several tense email exchanges with my oldest sister in November 2009, I was told that dad could not travel because my step mom was planning to have a surgery…A surgery that has not happened up to now! After the last email my sister sent me (which was way out of line) I never responded…and I have not spoken to her since…I decided that I was fed up of the crap she was dishing out. And I was simply tired of her talking down to me like I am some child of hers! Initially I had typed a response…but I never sent it…I recently emailed her a short “how are you doing?” email, but I have not heard back. Ah well…

Then in April, I found out that daddy went on a cruise…Hmmm, how interesting that you guys can plan a cruise to the freaking Caribbean, but not a 2 hour trip to see me! In June he went to Trinidad…and TODAY, I find out he is going to California by my sister.

WTH!!! So hold up…Am I just being tossed aside like nothing?????

OK, so today I called and my step mother answered…and usually she talks for a few minutes and passes the phone to my father…This time I decided to ask a question upfront before she had time to pass the phone. So I told her I would like for them to come to my house warming on September 25…It was then she told me (after pondering the date for a while) that they plan to go to LA…maybe around that time. OH really! So I decided to push a little and I asked her if they were not planning to visit me. And then she started on her usual rampage about how she does not visit any of the other children, and she does not like to go by anyone, and that I know why they HAVE TO GO to LA…So I asked why they had to go??…if it was because of health reasons? And said to me that I am smart and I know why…And just send a picture of the house…And then she hastily came off the phone and passed it to my dad.

Well, by that time I was in tears…And all I said to my father was hello…and silence…how are you? He asked me what was wrong and said that I didn’t sound like myself…Awww, how sweet *tear* So I told him that I heard that he was going to California and that it seems like he’s not making plans to come visit me. He said that he was not sure what was going on but my sister (who is a pediatrician) wanted him to come back to CA so he could see the doctors there and get checked out…OK, fair enough I thought…BUT WHAT ABOUT ME!??? I told him that since last year he has been promising to visit me and since then he has been on a cruise, made it to Trinidad and now going to CA!!! Why am I getting the bitter end of the stick??? He told me not to worry and he promises that he would come…He said that he would come even if he has to come alone…And he will come before the year is done…Probably when he gets back from CA. But this was the first time, in the past year, that my dad really spoke to my heart…And I felt that he really understood how hurt I have been by him not visiting me…And I hope (like the 10 year old girl within me)…I hope he comes through.

Even though my step mom said that she does not visit the other kids, I know my daddy…and I know that he would like to visit me…I know in his heart he wants to…and that’s all that matters to me…

But I must confess that this is a tough battle to fight…Especially since I don’t have much close relatives and my daddy is my closest blood relative to me…He is 80 years old and I know that he may not have much time left on this earth…And when he is gone, I will feel like an orphan…(I love you daddy)…

The tears can’t stop flowing as I write this…

From the heart of a 10 year old girl, in a 29 year old body…

I will pray, sing and meditate on Ps. 61:1-3

Psalm 61

1Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer.

2From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

3For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.

And when my heart is overwhelmed, Lord lead me to the rock that is higher than I….That is higher than I.