We are...???

February 23, 2012


Did you know that the first two weeks of pregnancy you are not really pregnant. Well doctors calculate your due date based on the first day of your last period. So you essentially get two weeks for free! One for your period, and then the days following your period when you are ovulating. I had this nifty app on my iPad called “my days” which helped me to remember when my period was due. I was never good at keep track of these things. Anyway, once you enter your period it showed the days you were ovulating and then highlighted the day itself when ovulation took place. So I decided to use the app to my advantage.

I didn’t want to be like those crazy people you see on TV where they have a calendar, with a bell to tell them when to have sex…And then have sex whether they wanted to or not. But at the same time, I wanted to at least know when I “should” have sex…It was no pressure…It just created awareness. The same type of awareness that is helpful when you know when your period is coming and you are prepared for it.



So we tried twice within the ovulation time period. A few days after my ovulation I noticed “the first signs.” I noticed something strange…something that was different and I suspected that maybe something is going on inside of me. I did a quick Google search and found out that when sperm meets egg it then has to implant itself in the uterus wall. Sometimes that is accompanied by slight bleeding but the bleeding may be very light brown or pink. I suspected then that we might be on our way to pregnancy. But I didn’t want to get excited…

I knew that with my protein c and protein s deficiency my changes of miscarriage was 50%. They say that most times the miscarriage happens so early that you didn’t even have time to realize you were pregnant. Many women think that their period is just late. So maybe that’s what happened that one time when my period was a week late last year??

So at 2 weeks fertilization takes place, and at 3 weeks implantation takes place. At 4 weeks is when you should see your next period. By week 5 my period had been a week late. But I wanted to wait a little longer before I took a test…And to hopefully not psych myself up only to have a miscarriage later. At this point I felt bloated (like when you have your period), and my face was breaking out again! Ugh! This is a sign that I am going to be one of those fat and ugly pregnant women! I also noticed that I am very tired and I have to take frequent trips to the bathroom. Now my tiredness might have been confused with the couple of nights I went to bed at 3 am. Now, those bad habits MUST stop! I have to get a full night’s rest!

At week 6 I took the pregnancy test. I took two…And it they were positive!! I still feel bloated, and my face is still breaking out. I not only feel bloated but I see it as well. I am a little self-conscious now…I’m not supposed to see these weight changes yet!!! Lord, what does the future have in store for me if at 6 weeks I am already putting on weight!??? I don’t feel nauseous yet…per se…but I do feel weird sometimes. Particularly when I am hungry. I can tell that my appetite for food has changed as well. I am someone who LOVES to eat!! But I can feel myself being hungry but not “feeling” for what I usually eat... Or after I eat it, I don’t have that usual satisfying feeling. Please don’t tell me that this is a sign that morning sickness is in store for me!!! I am also starting to feel hungry more often…And I can’t seem to go too long without having to eat something…even if I am not feeling for whatever I am eating. That said, I have to stock up at work with fruits, snacks, and perhaps sandwiches or frozen food…I know that I just have to have a wide variety of food so I can have some type of option for those days when I don’t feel for anything in particular.

How do I feel? Right now I feel the same. I am happy but not excited. I feel normal so to speak. I am not any happier today than I was 2 months ago. If anything, and if I allow myself, fear would be the dominant emotion. Fear of having to take injections twice a day for the duration of my pregnancy. I am still in denial about that and for some reason my hope is that when I have my first appointment that the docs will tell me that I don’t need to take it. This is like my worst nightmare! I hate needles! Actually I am afraid of them…And this is going to suck…suck hard! As of now, I cannot begin to imagine myself giving myself shots…As a matter of fact, I refuse…I simply refuse…My husband is going to have to figure that one out…This is going to be a tough part of my journey.

I told my husband by surprising him with an ice-cream cake that said “congrats we are pregnant!” His face lit up when he read the cake! He was ready to tell the world…his parents and the Moss’ in particular. I was more cautions… “Don’t you think we should wait until the first trimester is done? Especially since chances of miscarriage is high during the first trimester.” He said all the more reason you should tell someone! You would want the support of your friends if that happened…At least tell Tammy (my best friend)…and the Moss’ (our best couple friend) and our parents. That way you won’t be alone… OK…I like that…Makes sense. I should not have to hide to grieve if it were to happen.

BUT, before we tell them, I want to prepare a special video…So we can tell them in a special way. Yes, I know…I am just extra sometimes!

My next task is to find an OB-GYN! With so many options, how do you decide!!!?? I want to find a practice that is small, and gives you that family friendly feel…Not like the Duke Diagnostic Clinic I went to that felt very sterile. First of all I had to wait an hour just for some resident to see me…and then for the Attending doctor to see me for less than 10 minutes. That’s another thing…I am all about learning…But you see me right here, I want Attending only doctors thank you….AKA the ones who graduated from residency! My husband is a resident/fellow, and I know how these things work. I don’t want the middle man; I want the real doctor from beginning to end. While that Duke clinic has a bunch of high risk doctors who would be more than qualified to deal with my high risk pregnancy, I just didn’t like the vibes…And I especially didn’t like the long wait!!! I am a “mom and pop shop” type of girl…I like the hole in the wall restaurants because of the “country home” feel you get…I want a practice that can deliver both high risk obstetrics while at the same time being personal, friendly and TIMELY!

The other thing I learnt is that there is only one black OB practice in Durham and all the others are White-only. Not a single Black doctor! It’s something that makes you go hmmmm, considering that Durham is 50 percent Black!!

Anyway, that’s all for this week! Tune in next week for more updates!

Peace and Blessings!