Friday, September 6, 2013

Relationship Series – Getting Real About Dealing With People

I often say, “people and strange…and do strange things!” And I just don’t understand why. More recently, I have been thinking about my various relationships, the difficulties I have experienced within those relationships, and the sometimes failed end results. In the next few posts I’m going to talk about MY relationship experiences, my challenges, hopes and fears…I think about my son, and what I want to teach him, through my example, about how to build authentic relationships. Too many times we are not authentic in our relationships and really end up being very disingenuous….knowingly or unknowingly. I would like to give folks the benefit of the doubt that we unknowingly hurt others, we unknowingly stomp on people’s feelings, we unknowingly ignore the pain because of our own inner conflict. But sometimes when we DO know (maybe because the person told us), we deny, point the blame back on the person or even blame someone else…It’s so hard for us to accept that we hurt someone, especially when that was not our intention.

I’ve found a new favorite TV show! Tia and Tamera’s reality TV. I LOVE IT! I am so addicted I even read their blogs on the style network…I have NEVER done that before…I am not a fan crazy type of person, but for some reason I have found myself enamored with these twins! Partly because I know they have roots in the church of Christ. I was once told their grandmother is a member of the church…Probably why they went to Pepperdine University. But I used to watch their TV show back in the day, ‘Sister Sister.” I love that they are so relatable. Of all the stars I’ve ever seen on TV, I find them to be really down to earth, and value driven people. Much like myself…

Their show has very little “drama.” No one’s cheating on their husbands, or plotting to steal someone’s man…No one cussing each other out, or gossiping about other people…Their show really hits home with me because its so relatable to those of us who don’t have “Drama” in our lives, but do have everyday relationship challenges. Tia and Tamera fight, fuss, argue, misunderstand each other, disagree with decisions the other makes, and are often hurt by things said or not said…Pretty much they have a normal relationship. However, as I read some comments on their blogs, people get really mean…Calling one sister a “B”  or stupid or a host of other mean things simply because Tia may have gotten upset with Tamera over something…I think it’s so unfair the way we judge the hurt that people feel in relationships. The one good thing I see them ALWAYS try to do is to talk about it and hash things out…And that’s more than many of us are willing to do. The things they fuss over, are things that I often feel sad about too in my own relationships…And I would hate to share my heart with you, only for you to judge me…Or say mean things…

So, I am putting it out there…You may not like what I have to say…Either because you wouldn’t find fault or issue with someone if the situation happened to you…Or because you think I am petty for it even having a certain problem with someone, or because I am even just writing about it (making what should be a private matter public)…BUT I ask that you respect what I have to say…Feel free to comment, but be nice…Not only to me, but also to the “unknown” people I am writing about. My goal is not to slander anyone’s character but to bring to light the challenges we experience in everyday relationships, the mistakes we make in handling it, and the things we do to make it amends…and the journey to healing that has to take place within us.

In my dealings with people I’ve been called dramatic, emotional, TOO emotional, manipulative, overbearing, hardnosed, rude, disrespectful, unhappy, have unresolved issues, passive aggressive, bitter and resentful…and probably much more things as well. However, these labels people throw on me is not how I see myself.  For instance, while I am a person who expresses my emotions more freely than others does not make me “emotional.” That to me carries the connotation that I am weak emotionally. Listen up…God created ALL of us to be emotional beings, and the truth is, many of us don’t know how to manage our emotions well. So you think that by suppressing your negative emotions, thoughts and feelings makes your stronger…think again! I think many people don’t like dealing with conflict, or raw emotions because it just saps your energy and is just simply too hard! While I DON’T like dealing with conflict either, I much rather have conflict and attempt to resolve it than have unresolved feelings…I think that only serves to sabotage relationships, cause us to grow distant, or even dissolve relationships. And that is not what God intended at all!

So, this is my journey…You’ll read some of where I was, where I am today and where I hope to be in the future…all with the goal of teaching my son, by my example of how to live an authentic life in Christ.

Happy reading! And don’t forget to share this blog if it encourages you in some way! J


  1. I'm excited for this! Such a excellent topic. In bible class we started a new series about Forgiveness, and the intro class really made me realize how much forgiveness ties into our basic relationships with people, situations and ourselves. So I'm VERY excited to start that journey and to read along with yours!

  2. Bam! You hit the nail on the head! "I think many people don’t like dealing with conflict, or raw emotions because it just saps your energy and is just simply too hard!" Bam! I have to thank you for this post because it made me do some self-examination. At one point in time, I thought that I was guilty of avoiding conflict but then I deduced that I just tend to stay away from people who thrive on drama (the Reality-TV type of drama that you referred to). I realised that I have no problems dealing with conflict regarding serious issues and discussing with the other party how to resolve it. This more serious type of conflict-resolution is not energy-draining; if one realises that one's energy is being drained, one needs to assess the people one has in his/her circle of friends. That's my thought! Great post!