What to do?
I struggled with deciding what to do with my friendship about Jamie…Was it wrong for me to “abandon” our friendship because Jamie might be down and out but not saying so? Would it be wrong for me to stop being “friends” with Jamie? Could I stop being friends with Jamie and still love Jamie? Again, what with Jesus do?
As I struggled with these thoughts, I became tearful…Once again I found myself in a situation where a seemingly close friend is abandoning me. Why does this always happen to me? What is it about me that I attract these friends that cannot stand the test of time? Why am I not worth fighting for? Is something wrong with me???
*sigh*tears*sigh*
So I spoke with my husband about my dilemma and he offered some good insight. Or perhaps he helped me to see things from a different perspective. He said that sometimes one is afraid to say the TRUTH, because in this case it would be hurtful/painful to admit that Jaime is not a good friend and does not care to be one right now...so one would rather just avoid it and hope that the friendship dwindles on its own, without having to point a finger and acknowledge that its going there. He noted that while Jamie may not want to lose my friendship, Jamie may be at a place where Jamie is unwilling to put out any effort to keep it...That does not mean Jamie wants to lose it...But pretty much Jamie is willing to take that chance due to Jamie’s unwillingness to do anything right now.
So here was my message to Jamie…
My dilemma (as expressed in my previous post) is that I don't want to give up on you...BUT at the same time, I think you know that you cannot be my friend or refuse to be my friend at this time. So with that said, I will say it for you. We're not friends. I won't look for you to do any "favors" for me, I won't look for you to make time for me...I won't look for you check for me...I won't look for you to meet me online so we can talk. I will respect where you are and where you choose to be...KNOW that I am not in favor of your position, but this is where you are right now. When I come to Trinidad I won't call, email or communicate with you. I will not let you know I am in town...I will seek NOTHING from you... In the spirit of agape love, I leave the door open. Jared pointed out to me yesterday that God wants us to willingly choose Him...He cannot and will not FORCE Himself on us...We are the ones who must desire that relationship with him...Therefore I believe that my position is in favor with God. Where I allow you to make your decision and respect it. While at the same time, my heart will remain open to demonstrate the love of God at any time.
Did I do right by my friend?
I've recently also been shocked how "LIFELONG" friendships turn into “quarter of a life” friendships. I will not say that I am the best friend, like you, who consistently stays in contact with a friend. But I try my best to show respect to a friend (i.e. posts on Facebook, text messages or random calls). I was appalled at how friends could stand you up, when you've planned a gathering to embrace your friendship. Shocking, yes but I was actually quite hurt. However it taught me various lessons that you've mentioned in your post. Expect the same love and respect (for that matter) that you put into a friendship. I've identified many people in my life as friends, however I've learned that a TRUE friend will love you UNCONDITIONALLY as you do them! AGAPE LOVE RIGHT?
ReplyDeleteI've recently also been shocked how "LIFELONG" friendships turn into “quarter of a life” friendships. I will not say that I am the best friend, like you, who consistently stays in contact with a friend. But I try my best to show respect to a friend (i.e. posts on Facebook, text messages or random calls). I was appalled at how friends could stand you up, when you've planned a gathering to embrace your friendship. Shocking, yes but I was actually quite hurt. However it taught me various lessons that you've mentioned in your post. Expect the same love and respect (for that matter) that you put into a friendship. I've identified many people in my life as friends, however I've learned that a TRUE friend will love you UNCONDITIONALLY as you do them! AGAPE LOVE RIGHT?
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments Tracae! It's amazing how we all find ourselves in similar situations. Relationships are tough! Geeze! If we were not trying to be loving it might be easier! But NOOOOO, we have to love. lol! But you know what I think is at the belly of most of our problems...People are often times offended by something we did, or did not do...they don't address...They don't say anything...and before you know it they change they way they act around you.
ReplyDeleteThen in other cases, they have moved on with their life and formed new relationships that you are just not a part of. Sometimes they moved ahead long before we could realize! Leaving us in the dust...hurt and bewildered! Someone commented on my last post that I was being to black and white...But I don't understand how you can call someone who is an absentee friend, a friend. I have a friend I went to preaching school with...I have sent FB message, text message, voice message for her to call and connect with me...Her response was either she was too busy to see me when I was in town, too busy to call, and will call soon. What am I supposed to do with something like that? To me, I cannot count her as a friend? But then if I say she is not a friend, then does that mean I am the one abandoning her?
It's a really tricky situation because you don't want to feel like you've completely abandoned someone you do care for. If you had no care, you wouldn't feel obligated to contact a friend or feel regret in not doing so. Although others may mistreat us as friends, I always want to show love for them (as Jesus did) when they most need it. Thus I don't believe abandonment is the best option, however distancing ourselves may be more beneficial.
ReplyDeleteI like that!
ReplyDelete