Hi Blog! WOW, is this really my first post for 2014!?
Goodness gracious, time sure does fly!
I’ve been reflecting on our move to Tallahassee and some of
my emotions last year as we planned for that move then vs. now. Here is an
excerpt from a blog I wrote last year:
I have been on an
emotional roller coaster for most of June…I have cried alone…many, many
times…On my way to work…At work…At home…NOW…And I have cried together with my
husband…It’s not going to Tallahassee that has me sad…Its moving away from my
home in NC…It’s saying goodbye to the friends we have made…It’s going into a
land of the unknown…A place that could be a desert…I have moved and had people
move from my circle enough times to know that when you move people
change…friendships changes…and ultimately you LOOSE a lot of your friends…It’s
only natural that relationships would change…Physical presence just adds a lot
to a relationship. And many people prioritize relationships with those who are
physically in their space, over long distance relationships…And because I know
this, I am sad because I feel like I am loosing a significant piece of my life
I DO NOT want to loose…I am sad because I have felt many times ALONE in my
sadness…
My life is about to change
DRASTICALLY! For someone like me who loves being in fellowship with other like
minded Christians I am afraid I wont find that where I go…I am afraid that when
I get there I’ll be in a state of depression….I am afraid that I will be bored
to death…I am afraid that I will be lonely….And really, I am most afraid of
loosing the friends I have now…I know God will provide…I know that God will
take care of us…and I know that most friendships are really temporary even when
they seem permanent. I know people are in your lives for a season…And I know
our duty is to help bless others. I KNOW THIS! And yes, even knowing this does
not necessarily make me feel better…Because we are loosing something very
special…
I
wish I could say that I am where I want to be….OR that I am 100 percent content
with where I am now with my relationships. But the present day outlook is
certainly not as dismal as I feared initially. Friendships have drifted,
obviously so…But I wasn’t going to set myself up and think that wasn’t going to
happen. And truth be told, there were very FEW friends that I had any
expectation that our relationship would continue as it were despite the
distance. There are a few things that I am absolutely thrilled that has
happened since we left NC that has indeed helped me to feel connected to those
I love and miss dearly. Firstly, we visited NC for Jayce’s first birthday in
Oct. We were able to celebrate with our NC family and I would treasure that
memory forever! Then in January I was able to meet up in Atlanta with a few of
my sisters! It was sooooooo needed and I just appreciate them so much for
taking the time to drive 6 hours to see me! Then in March we had a couples
getaway with some of our couple friends and that was super special! I am beyond
happy those events happened! In addition to the NC reconnection my friend Marsha was able to visit for a day (yay!!), and my in-laws and sis-in-law came to visit from Jamaica as well!! You all have helped to fill my cup! And it is when you are here my home is happiest!
I
am happy to say that moving to Tallahassee did NOT cause me to enter into a
state of depression. And I have not been bored to death though I am now a stay
at home mommy (SAHM). I was truly worried that going from the world of work to
being a SAHM, and being in a new place would have sent me off my rockers! But
it hasn’t. I’ve been able to plug myself in to various things and find a lot of
mommy and me things for Jayce and I to do together. I’ve made a couple nice
mommy friends and we plan play dates from time to time. So that has been great
in making sure I didn’t become isolated.
The
church we go to has also been great…We were able to plug ourselves in and Jared
and I are leading the marriage ministry there. That has been the BEST thing to
happen since we have moved! The marriage ministry has been such a passion of
mine and I feel like I have a purpose being here in Tally. It has really given
me an opportunity to focus my gifts and energy on something wonderful! I am
beyond happy with that!
BUT if I am honest there is a small part of me that feels
like there is a hole in my heart…Having friendships for 7 years and then
leaving is like leaving your family
behind to venture to a new place…Notice I didn’t say its like leaving
your friends behind…When I feel sad…my heart craves to be in NC or close to our friends and family…When I feel
lonely I wish I could be with my girls…When I want to celebrate, I wish the
crew was here. Furthermore I wish that
my other friends scattered all of the world were closer!! I wish I could drive
to Trinidad or Jamaica and that it wasn’t somewhere I visit just once a year! I wish I could just go for breakfast with my best friend…Or spend a weekend together...The
relationships I have here are not the same as the ones I left behind. And that
is only normal. Not to mention, the depth and breath of those relationships
will be different as well. WE are still newbies. We are still getting to know
folks. And the level of intimacy in those relationships will naturally not be
there because of the short time we have been here. I continue to desire to have
these new relationships grow. We’ve met some great people here and there is a
lot of potential for wonderful relationships and new opportunities! In the
meantime, this is where I am…
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