This post is dedicated to my sisters who are faced with having to move in the not too distant future…
I lived in the same place for the first 20 years of my life. Sometime around age 20 or 21 I unofficially started living with my best friend and her family. It started off as weekend visits, that turned into every weekend, that turned into staying the week, that just turned into staying months…I am and will be eternally grateful to God and to the Harris family for their kind hospitality. But after 2 years of living there, and a wanting to move forward with my life, I was more than ready to leave...I had a boyfriend in the US and I was desperate to come to the US. By July 2003 we had a long distance relationship going for 2 years. Trust me; I was ready for a move…But as luck would have it, I didn’t get a scholarship to any of the schools I applied for. I knew that the ONLY way I could come to the U.S. was if I got a full ride…My hope was broken, and my chances of being together with the man I was hoping to marry one day was fading…Then…in July…of 2003…I got the letter…THE SCHOLARSHIP LETTER!
In August of 2003 I made the BIG MOVE…I left everything I knew, everything I was familiar with, and I left the place I had eventually grown to love…I left my church family and my friends who were near and dear to me…I left, but I was ready!! I was ready to be closer to my boy! Closer to my family! And closer to my living my own life!
I arrived at JFK in Aug 2003 and I feverishly looked for a familiar face…But I didn’t see anyone. Where was my family? They were supposed to pick me up at the airport! It was at that point I feel a bout of aloneness…I thought about my friends I left behind…And how I never once was abandoned at an airport. I dragged my luggage to a chair and cried for 45 minutes nonstop. I eventually pulled myself together and found the strength to walk to the nearby pay phone and called my step mom. At that point I was yelled at for not calling earlier and not telling them what airline I was coming in on. You see, coming from a small country, it didn’t matter what airline you came in on because everyone exits through the same door…OKAY, so NY was a little bigger than I imagined and I didn’t realize different flights have different exits and pick up points. But if they knew this, why didn’t they call and ask?
So, not exactly the warm welcome I was expecting…My heart longed for home…My heart missed home, my friends, my church family…I was sad.
I stayed in NY a few days and then flew to ATL. I was met by an old friend from Trinidad who drove me 3 hours to Columbia, SC. It’s amazing how friends can be more dependable that your own family. Anyway, I digress. When I got to Benedict College (BC) some lady told me that registration was closed and asked if I could come back tomorrow! So my friend was gracious enough to take me to his home 2 hours away! The next day I came back (in time) and got my room assignment. We went shopping for basic essentials (linens, pillows, towels, etc.) and my friend left…At that point that lonely feeling started creeping back in. But this is what I wanted…Right!?
I eventually settled in and met a few other international students. Truthfully, they were my source of sanity for the majority of my 3 year stint at BC. For the first two year at BC, I did not have ANY American friends in school. I did make a few friends at church…But I felt so different culturally…like an outsider…I just didn’t relate…and I really didn’t care to. I hated the school…and the mindlessness that I was surrounded by. I couldn’t wait to leave!
After two years I started to open up myself more…I started to see that there were good people amidst the mindlessness…and I made friends…American friends! I started to feel more settled and content. At the end of three years I was 25 years old, graduating and planning a wedding! Another major move and life step. As I thought about moving to North Carolina, I felt so sad that I cried. I cried because I was going to another place where I had no friends…I felt that I had finally established a support network that really helped me to survive BC, and I was leaving all that behind to go to a place where I didn’t have that. It took me so long before I finally found a church home where I was comfortable, and friends I could relate to even though they were not like me…And just as I was getting comfortable, it was time to leave. BUT AGAIN, this was a move that I was ready for. I was ready to leave BC and start my life as a married woman!
When I moved to NC in 2006 I determined that I would fight with all my will to fit in…AND not take 3 years to do so! I did not have a circle of international friends to make me comfortable and feel like home. Knowing that I was going to a strange place with no friends, I promised that I would not sit and feel sorry for myself. I promised that I would open myself to new people, I promised that I would plug myself in church right away, I promised that I would not wait to be invited out but invite others in, I promised that I would extend myself to others and give of myself to others. And with that promise my goal was achieved. Once we returned from our honeymoon, we were moving and shaking! Before we knew it we had friends, people over at our house, and active in the college ministry. I felt like I was part of something…And best of all, I did not feel different, excluded, or sitting on the outside looking in.
I don’t know when next we would have to move…I am guessing that three years from now the cards may shift when my husband completes his residency. The entire map of the U.S. will be at our fingertips and we would be able to pick, choose and refuse where we want to live.
Through these major life moves I have learnt that God always provides people in our lives who will be our cheerleaders, and support. The key is that we must remain open to what He provides. We have to put ourselves out there to get caught. And we have to be proactive and be bold about what we want.
The beauty about life is that we have no idea who our next best friends would be. We do not know who will enter our life never to depart…We don’t know who else is out there that we are going to love…and is going to love us. We do not know who is going to be our rock of support when we need it most. What we know is who we have in our life at this very moment. And sometimes we grow so content with our circle, that we forget that our circle was meant to expand. But rest assured that you have a lot of friends…many of whom you have yet meet :-)…once you keep yourself open.
As you go, entering into unfamiliar territory, go brave… knowing that God will unveil many wonderful surprises that will bless your life more than you imagine…They called friends.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
You Don’t Need a Title to be a Leader (Mark Sanborn)
I absolutely enjoyed reading this book! Not only was it nice and short but quite encouraging. As the title suggests you do not need a title to be a leader. In today’s society we get caught up with job titles, status, and rank and file. In our every day dealings we say things like, “that’s not my job!” or “that’s not my problem!” and turn a blind eye. However the person who dares to make a difference, especially without a title is truly a leader.
Sanborn could not have said it any better when he said, we all make a difference, and it’s just our choice if we make a positive difference. If we don’t make a positive difference then we make a negative difference. It’s so easy to take the simple things in life for granted. A cheerful disposition, a kind word, a sweet smile, a friendly attitude…It’s easy to think that you don’t make a difference. But you do. When you wake up in the morning with a purpose you affect those around you. I have tried extra hard to have a chipper and friendly attitude since reading this book. Sometimes I think that what I do in my corner is “my business,” but I must be careful not to hinder someone else who is trying to achieve something positive. I feed off of people’s disposition easily. It can even change my mood from happy to downright depressed in seconds…So who am I not to think that I can’t have the same effect on someone else. We all make a difference…I will chose to make a positive difference.
Another point the author made was, “People who lead-whether or not they have a title-strive to make things better.” This describes my work ethic in print! I am always looking for ways to improve something, invent a system to make things more efficient, figure out a way to provide better quality service etc. I don’t mind talking to you about a problem you have at work or how things suck…BUT we can’t talk just for talking sake…we got to talk so we can make it better. That’s the purpose of us talking, right? I find it very difficult at work when others don’t adopt the same mindset…Especially when they have a “leadership” title! After engaging in a negative conversation, my next question is usually, “so what are you going to do about it?” To which I usually receive a disappointing reply, “nothing.” I realize we are not on the same page, and I struggle to maintain that friendly, positive disposition in a negative work environment.
ROI is a common term in the business world that means return on investment. However, Sanborn defines ROI as relationships, outcomes and improvements. It’s important that as leaders we don’t bully people into following us but rather foster relationships and influence individuals through our relationships. We use the art of persuasion and ultimately yield positive outcomes. I am not sure if persuade is the word I would choose to use. I would prefer to say “encourage.” Encouragement can go a longer way when you have an established relationship with someone. Relationships in this sense does not mean that you have to know a person’s family tree, and personal life but rather it suggests that you take an interest in that person as a person. You care about their feelings and you show that you care. You care about what they are doing, and so you ask.
We recently started talking about valuing our volunteers at BBBS (thanks to our VP of Partnerships). I realized that if we are able to build relationships with our volunteers then they would be more engaged with me, more engaged with the agency, more engaged with their mentee…They are more apt to call me back when I call, and I am able to have deeper and meaningful conversations with them about their match relationship. In the end, the relationships I am striving to build with these volunteers will yield better outcomes for our program. Right now I am trying to find the balance of building genuine relationships and being myself in the process. I must say that starting the day with a recognition that I make a difference and that gives me that burst of energy to answer the phone “happier” and push a little further.
Obligation or opportunity
In my job I call volunteers and parents about once a month to find out how things are coming along with the mentor-mentee relationship. After about call 59, I sometimes dread making the next call. The strange thing is that once I am on the phone with someone, I ENJOY talking to them…that might be because I love to talk! But it’s the process of getting there that can sometimes leave me with a daunting task that does not have to be so daunting. If I approach this as an obligation I am only going to feel like a slave to my job…Looking at my list of people to call looks more like a chore…But if I look at is as an opportunity…to make a difference, help someone, encourage someone, help strengthen a relationship, help problem solve (which is what takes place during my conversations) then I approach call number 59 with purpose and passion. And they are no longer call number 59 but Judy, Melanie, and Ingrid…they are somebody. Last week I posted the following on my Facebook status, “When you work with purpose, the work seems easier and more fulfilling!” This could not be truer for me.
I feel like I can go on and on about this book! I will end with a few highlights that I would like to take with me.
• Think like a leader – constantly feed your mind with new information and think critically.
• Make time to think – I imagine myself on a beach, with pen and paper…just thinking. On a day to day this can mean making that personal time with me and God alone.
• Take control of your life – Control what you can control and leave the rest alone!
• Remember to dream
• Make time to reflect
• Mirror those who are successful around you
• Retreat to advance. I love this one. At least once a year set aside some time where you can review your goals’ and objectives for your life. You should be inaccessible by phone or email.
• Enjoy the journey. Take time to enjoy life and don’t become so busy that you miss out on simply having fun. Remember the destination is just as important as the journey…So for every foot forward, take time to enjoy it!
Sanborn could not have said it any better when he said, we all make a difference, and it’s just our choice if we make a positive difference. If we don’t make a positive difference then we make a negative difference. It’s so easy to take the simple things in life for granted. A cheerful disposition, a kind word, a sweet smile, a friendly attitude…It’s easy to think that you don’t make a difference. But you do. When you wake up in the morning with a purpose you affect those around you. I have tried extra hard to have a chipper and friendly attitude since reading this book. Sometimes I think that what I do in my corner is “my business,” but I must be careful not to hinder someone else who is trying to achieve something positive. I feed off of people’s disposition easily. It can even change my mood from happy to downright depressed in seconds…So who am I not to think that I can’t have the same effect on someone else. We all make a difference…I will chose to make a positive difference.
Another point the author made was, “People who lead-whether or not they have a title-strive to make things better.” This describes my work ethic in print! I am always looking for ways to improve something, invent a system to make things more efficient, figure out a way to provide better quality service etc. I don’t mind talking to you about a problem you have at work or how things suck…BUT we can’t talk just for talking sake…we got to talk so we can make it better. That’s the purpose of us talking, right? I find it very difficult at work when others don’t adopt the same mindset…Especially when they have a “leadership” title! After engaging in a negative conversation, my next question is usually, “so what are you going to do about it?” To which I usually receive a disappointing reply, “nothing.” I realize we are not on the same page, and I struggle to maintain that friendly, positive disposition in a negative work environment.
ROI is a common term in the business world that means return on investment. However, Sanborn defines ROI as relationships, outcomes and improvements. It’s important that as leaders we don’t bully people into following us but rather foster relationships and influence individuals through our relationships. We use the art of persuasion and ultimately yield positive outcomes. I am not sure if persuade is the word I would choose to use. I would prefer to say “encourage.” Encouragement can go a longer way when you have an established relationship with someone. Relationships in this sense does not mean that you have to know a person’s family tree, and personal life but rather it suggests that you take an interest in that person as a person. You care about their feelings and you show that you care. You care about what they are doing, and so you ask.
We recently started talking about valuing our volunteers at BBBS (thanks to our VP of Partnerships). I realized that if we are able to build relationships with our volunteers then they would be more engaged with me, more engaged with the agency, more engaged with their mentee…They are more apt to call me back when I call, and I am able to have deeper and meaningful conversations with them about their match relationship. In the end, the relationships I am striving to build with these volunteers will yield better outcomes for our program. Right now I am trying to find the balance of building genuine relationships and being myself in the process. I must say that starting the day with a recognition that I make a difference and that gives me that burst of energy to answer the phone “happier” and push a little further.
Obligation or opportunity
In my job I call volunteers and parents about once a month to find out how things are coming along with the mentor-mentee relationship. After about call 59, I sometimes dread making the next call. The strange thing is that once I am on the phone with someone, I ENJOY talking to them…that might be because I love to talk! But it’s the process of getting there that can sometimes leave me with a daunting task that does not have to be so daunting. If I approach this as an obligation I am only going to feel like a slave to my job…Looking at my list of people to call looks more like a chore…But if I look at is as an opportunity…to make a difference, help someone, encourage someone, help strengthen a relationship, help problem solve (which is what takes place during my conversations) then I approach call number 59 with purpose and passion. And they are no longer call number 59 but Judy, Melanie, and Ingrid…they are somebody. Last week I posted the following on my Facebook status, “When you work with purpose, the work seems easier and more fulfilling!” This could not be truer for me.
I feel like I can go on and on about this book! I will end with a few highlights that I would like to take with me.
• Think like a leader – constantly feed your mind with new information and think critically.
• Make time to think – I imagine myself on a beach, with pen and paper…just thinking. On a day to day this can mean making that personal time with me and God alone.
• Take control of your life – Control what you can control and leave the rest alone!
• Remember to dream
• Make time to reflect
• Mirror those who are successful around you
• Retreat to advance. I love this one. At least once a year set aside some time where you can review your goals’ and objectives for your life. You should be inaccessible by phone or email.
• Enjoy the journey. Take time to enjoy life and don’t become so busy that you miss out on simply having fun. Remember the destination is just as important as the journey…So for every foot forward, take time to enjoy it!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Financial Matters for Couples!
Last week we had a very engaging discussion at our couples’ game night about finances. The question on the table was, “How do you create a financial system that is inclusive of both parties?” Since then, I asked for more feedback, ideas and suggestions. Ideas and suggestions by others are written in italics.
Communicate, communicate and communicate some more!
Communication is key, as with every other part of marriage. Just like you have a regular date night, have a financial date night where you spend time discussing your current financial state, as well as your goals and dreams. My husband and I pool our resources and don't hide money from each other. We decided in the beginning that we would sink or swim together; do or die we are in it together, so there is no need to separate ourselves financially. That doesn't work for everyone, but it works for us, and I think it's a healthy option.
I must say that I truly love this idea! I never thought about having a financial date night before, but I sure will try it. Thanks Karon! I too believe that both parties should pool all their resources together and create a financial system that is fair and balanced. No one person should have more power because they make more, or more power because they are male (sorry, my feminist side just kicked in there:-).
SAVE like your life depended on it!
My non-married theory is to start off by trying to live off the equivalent of one person's income so that you can easily pay off debts or save for a house with the other income. I know one couple that managed to pay off all their debts in one year and another who used the money to buy a house in cash after five years. Then having your shared expenses (way below the sum of the two incomes) and I'd at least start by trying it so that each party pays their fraction of the household income (i.e. if both parties make the same, they split the costs 50/50, however if one partner makes 75% of the total household income, then they pay that share of the expenses.). I think it'll create a fairer share of "me" funds between the partners. But I'll let you know if it works once I actually try it.
I must confess I am a save-a-holic…in remission! We know how to live on one salary…especially when we only had one salary for the first two years of our marriage! We got married when Jared had 2 more years of med school and I just graduated from college. We were both unemployed for the first three months, and it was literally my savings during college that held us over until I found a job. Thankfully, neither of us had any debt coming into marriage…no student loans, wedding bills, car payments, etc. I can only credit God and my father’s cheapness for that.
I probably started saving when I was 5 years old. By 10, I knew the concept of simple and compound interest and charged my dad 50% interest if he every borrowed money from me. I loved lending because it grew my savings! Because that was ingrained in me since I was a child, there has never been a day where I never had any money saved in the bank.
Adrienne, you reminded me that with the right focus we can pay off our house in 5 years!!! Whoooo, what a goal! I might have to start that 5 year plan when Jared graduates from residency…
Right before we got married Jared read an article on MSN relationships about how to handle finances. It said to give each partner equal "spending money" per month regardless of what each person made. We took the principle and use it today. We consider each other's income 100% OURS. The combined income is used for expenses and savings...Technically Jared contributes everything towards expenses and I contribute everything towards savings...that's just how it worked out practically...And then once we bought a house, the total savings decreased and the difference went towards the house. Our equal spending money goes into a separate individual accounts...I had to insist that Jared do this because his spending money ended up morphing with the expenses and we were never sure what he had to spend or save. The idea with the equal spending money is that each person can do what they want, spend it how they please and the other person should not be upset by it. Anything that comes out of our savings is discussed and agreed upon...and if we can’t agree we table the discussion until we can come to some compromise. Examples of that would be buying a house or car. There has never been a decision that we could not agree on even if we start on different sides of the fence.
We I have a joint "Bill Account". A certain percentage of our income goes into this account each month to be used for all of our household bills. He is the primary bread winner, so the percentage that he contributes is greater than the one I do. We also have a joint savings acct that we both try to contribute to on a monthly basis. We also each have a separate checking acct that we use solely at our own discretion. This helps eliminate fussing over the small things that come up...like me getting my hair done or him purchasing some electronic device. It also helps us surprise each other occasionally with gifts! Anytime the need/desire arises for one of us to purchase something "big", we discuss it with each other and usually pay a portion of the price from our individual acct and a portion from the joint acct. As for giving LARGE amounts of money to family members...we don't "lend" anything. If we can't afford to give it away, then we don't do it. And we discuss and agree on these matters before any transactions are made. Both of us are always open minded about these types of issues, but if both parties do not agree, then a suitable compromise is made that each person is ok with. Again, this method has worked great at our address, but it may not be for everybody….Often times if there is something that I want that my spending money does not cover, he will just give me money from his acct to prevent us taping into a joint acct, and vice versa. We may be different that way from many couples but we really haven't had major problems in this area b/c we trust one another and we make our financial needs known to each other. He knows that I like to spend money and that makes me happy. I also know that he would rather save and plan for our future. This way, he has managed to give me the spending money that I need, (b/c he doesn't require as much), and I am aware of this so whenever he needs/desires extra from me, I have NO PROBLEM giving it to him.
One thing that I must say that one of the biggest predictors of a couples’ financial success is their attitude towards money and each other. The key is for both parties to be happy and comfortable with the arrangement. Whether one person has more spending money because they spend more, or the other person pay more bills because they make more, the key is to agree and be happy with this. One person should not be left feeling hurt because they have less spending money because they make less…(I personally would feel this way if I had less spending money because my husband made more) or one person should not be upset because they are a saver and don’t spend as much but their spouse is a spender. It’s important that each person not only understands their spouse’s spending style, but try to respect it…as long as it does not jeopardize the family budget.
More practical tips on dividing your income! Thanks Matt!
LONG TERMS SAVINGS JOINT-1 joint long term savings account for major purchases (home, car or serious emergencies with 6-9 months of expenses available) contributed to together with 10% of our incomes.
SHORT TERM SAVINGS SINGLE-1 personal short term savings account managed privately by each partner for gifts, mainly, or individualized purchases that you don't necessarily want to get "permission" to spend. Like my Amazon addiction...Again, 10% of income.... See More
SINGLE RETIREMENT-10% of each income goes into our individual retirement.
JOINT BILL ACCOUNT-30% from each income goes towards a joint bill account (rent, utilities, groceries, gas...)SINGLE CHECKING-40% from each income goes to individualized checking.
SHORT TERM SAVINGS SINGLE-1 personal short term savings account managed privately by each partner for gifts, mainly, or individualized purchases that you don't necessarily want to get "permission" to spend. Like my Amazon addiction...Again, 10% of income.... See More
SINGLE RETIREMENT-10% of each income goes into our individual retirement.
JOINT BILL ACCOUNT-30% from each income goes towards a joint bill account (rent, utilities, groceries, gas...)SINGLE CHECKING-40% from each income goes to individualized checking.
http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/SavingandDebt/LearnToBudget/ASimplerWayToSaveThe60Solution.aspx
Other suggestions:
- If one person is solely responsible for managing the expenses the other party should know where ALL the usernames and passwords are for all accounts. You never know what can happen to your spouse where you would suddenly need to manage the expenses…How frustrating would it be if you have no idea where to find the online electric bill etc. that needs to be paid!
- Track ALL your income and expenditures from ALL your accounts in one place – http://www.mint.com/
- Track your monthly expenses in an excel spreadsheet and email it to your spouse every month.
- Don’t forget life insurance, retirement, emergency savings, long term and short term investments. There are nonprofits who can offer financial advice. Check out the black urban league.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
A Letter to a Friend
I have chosen to be your friend because of the qualities I admire in you. You have a giving spirit in everything you do. You seek to serve others behind the scenes. And you are morally upright….you don’t drink, smoke, do drugs, or engage in sexually immoral acts. Overall you are a good person!
Through our friendship we have experienced many ups and downs together…We have been witness to the highs and lows in each other’s lives. And through it all we remained each other’s cheer leaders.
I want you to know that I want to see you be the best you can be. I want to see you not only achieve your career goals, but to grow to be the child of God, God wants you to be. I don’t want to see you settle for mediocrity. I don’t want to see you give up on your passion. I don’t want to see you give up on life.
I want to see you be better than you are…and be better than you think you could be. I sometimes feel as though you don’t see how talented you are and how much you add to the lives of those you come in contact with. You are a leader because of your desire to serve others. However I have noticed your desire wax and wane with the challenges you experience in your own life. I have noticed that you found yourself in a comfort zone because it easier for you to be there…as oppose to challenge yourself and your faith and step out of your comfort zone. I have noticed that you have chosen not to get involved at your local church because for some reason you seem content simply attending church. Why? You have so much to give. God wants us to serve Him by serving others. God wants us help others. God wants us to give of yourselves…We must remember that we have a responsibility to the local church that we are a part of. We have a responsibility to help build and grow that congregation. WE have a responsibility to serve in that congregation. It is not enough to simply attend church. Be the church that you want to see.
I am saying all of this because I care about you, and I care about your soul. I know that you can be better than where you are today. I know this because I have seen you be better.
As it pertains to your career, my prayer is that you TRUST God and remember that it is because of Him that you are where you are today. I know intellectually you know this…But as you think about the next steps, let faith guide you. Do not let fear inhibit your decisions. Do not allow the devil to put our God in a box…Do not compare yourself to those who have gone before you, because they did not have the POWER that you have in God. Recognize that if you go to God in prayer, and ask all that you can ask or imagine, he will grant it to you. God can make a way even when we cannot see the way.
You are so analytical in your thinking that it’s seems hard for you to truly make a decision on faith. You base your decisions on your calculations rather than your belief that God can do what we call the impossible. You will end up limiting yourself if you limit God. Please don’t limit God. I know it’s hard when it seems that your life is hanging in the balance but don’t you know that God already got this. He has already determined your destiny…Ask God for what you want and believe He would open the door that looks permanently shut.
As you go through relationships in life, I pray that you will deal with conflict appropriately. I pray that you would stop sweeping things under the rug and deal with it as it comes along. I pray that you challenge yourself in your relationships to speak the truth in love…You have chosen to ignore something in our friendship that will eventually lead us down a road where we will no longer have a friendship. I have chosen to allow you to make the first step in restoring our friendship because I believe that if you want our friendship that you should fight for it. I believe that if our friendship is important to you that you would not turn a blind eye. It has been 5 months and I am forced to believe that you are “fine” with the way things are. You have chosen not to deal with this…but you have also chosen not to be my friend.
I recognize that the things have I have said in this letter are probably the very things that you may not like about me. My bluntness…My encouragement that seems as though I am talking down to you…And seeming like I don’t accept you for who you are. I hope that you will realize that I want for you the same thing I want for myself. I want friends who can help me be a better person…Friends who will be honest with me even if it hurts…and Friends who will support me and help push me when I can’t push myself…And friends who love me enough to challenge me to step out of my comfort zone.
Regardless of where our friendship stands, my hope is that you would be the best you can be in everything you do. I pray that you would be successful in your career, marriage, and spiritual life. And the prayer I pray for you…I pray for myself as well…Because we all need to continuously strive to be better than where we are today…
In love and peace…
Through our friendship we have experienced many ups and downs together…We have been witness to the highs and lows in each other’s lives. And through it all we remained each other’s cheer leaders.
I want you to know that I want to see you be the best you can be. I want to see you not only achieve your career goals, but to grow to be the child of God, God wants you to be. I don’t want to see you settle for mediocrity. I don’t want to see you give up on your passion. I don’t want to see you give up on life.
I want to see you be better than you are…and be better than you think you could be. I sometimes feel as though you don’t see how talented you are and how much you add to the lives of those you come in contact with. You are a leader because of your desire to serve others. However I have noticed your desire wax and wane with the challenges you experience in your own life. I have noticed that you found yourself in a comfort zone because it easier for you to be there…as oppose to challenge yourself and your faith and step out of your comfort zone. I have noticed that you have chosen not to get involved at your local church because for some reason you seem content simply attending church. Why? You have so much to give. God wants us to serve Him by serving others. God wants us help others. God wants us to give of yourselves…We must remember that we have a responsibility to the local church that we are a part of. We have a responsibility to help build and grow that congregation. WE have a responsibility to serve in that congregation. It is not enough to simply attend church. Be the church that you want to see.
I am saying all of this because I care about you, and I care about your soul. I know that you can be better than where you are today. I know this because I have seen you be better.
As it pertains to your career, my prayer is that you TRUST God and remember that it is because of Him that you are where you are today. I know intellectually you know this…But as you think about the next steps, let faith guide you. Do not let fear inhibit your decisions. Do not allow the devil to put our God in a box…Do not compare yourself to those who have gone before you, because they did not have the POWER that you have in God. Recognize that if you go to God in prayer, and ask all that you can ask or imagine, he will grant it to you. God can make a way even when we cannot see the way.
You are so analytical in your thinking that it’s seems hard for you to truly make a decision on faith. You base your decisions on your calculations rather than your belief that God can do what we call the impossible. You will end up limiting yourself if you limit God. Please don’t limit God. I know it’s hard when it seems that your life is hanging in the balance but don’t you know that God already got this. He has already determined your destiny…Ask God for what you want and believe He would open the door that looks permanently shut.
As you go through relationships in life, I pray that you will deal with conflict appropriately. I pray that you would stop sweeping things under the rug and deal with it as it comes along. I pray that you challenge yourself in your relationships to speak the truth in love…You have chosen to ignore something in our friendship that will eventually lead us down a road where we will no longer have a friendship. I have chosen to allow you to make the first step in restoring our friendship because I believe that if you want our friendship that you should fight for it. I believe that if our friendship is important to you that you would not turn a blind eye. It has been 5 months and I am forced to believe that you are “fine” with the way things are. You have chosen not to deal with this…but you have also chosen not to be my friend.
I recognize that the things have I have said in this letter are probably the very things that you may not like about me. My bluntness…My encouragement that seems as though I am talking down to you…And seeming like I don’t accept you for who you are. I hope that you will realize that I want for you the same thing I want for myself. I want friends who can help me be a better person…Friends who will be honest with me even if it hurts…and Friends who will support me and help push me when I can’t push myself…And friends who love me enough to challenge me to step out of my comfort zone.
Regardless of where our friendship stands, my hope is that you would be the best you can be in everything you do. I pray that you would be successful in your career, marriage, and spiritual life. And the prayer I pray for you…I pray for myself as well…Because we all need to continuously strive to be better than where we are today…
In love and peace…
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Introspection
Today I am reflecting on my life, my purpose, my mission, and my journey…I thought about what makes me, me…why I do what I do. There are several principles that I have adopted along the way that I strive to live by. These principles help me to enjoy the journey called life. I have chosen to write this to REMIND myself of these principles. Sometimes I may drift away and I need to do some introspection to bring me back.
• Choose to surround yourself with positive individuals who are where you want to be or on their way. You should be able to look at every single one of your friends and ask yourself, “What do they contribute to my life?” The closest people in your life should be striving to go the same place where you are going. First and foremost, I surround myself with spiritual people. It’s not a surprise then that most of my friends are Christians. And not just any and every Christian but Christians who are striving to live right, do right, and be right. Christians who though they make mistakes they recognize that they have not “arrived.” They realize that they must depend on God for everything…And there is a constant movement towards growing closer to God. You are probably thinking that sounds like I am looking for perfect friends. But I’m not…Just those who are striving for perfection :-).
• Another group of people I surround myself with are those who are aspiring to have successful careers. That would be individuals who are actually trying to graduate! They came to school with a purpose. Not to party, get drunk, go to the club, pledge, etc. etc. They came to school with one MAIN purpose…to get an education…Believe it or not, many people do not go to school for that purpose. If you are not careful, you may find yourself doing everything else but your school work…The people I chose to surround myself with when I was in college were the ones on the honor roll…the folks who were going where I was going…Straight As all the way…Or at least ASPIRING for As. We did other extra-curricular activities, but it never distracted us from our goal.
• In your professional career, you also want to stay close to folks who are going where you are going as well. Some people are just there to collect a paycheck. While others are there to make a difference! They work with purpose. Regardless of their position in the organization they do the best they can at their job. I like befriending these people. I can relate to their hearts. My motto is, “Anything you do, do it as you are doing it unto the Lord.” If you recognize that God is your boss, then you are more likely to work with passion and go further that the lazy Jo Blow you work with. I sometimes get discouraged at work when I find that people do not work with purpose and passion. I feel frustrated when I hear them talking for hours casually or see them on facebook all day…while complaining that they have soooo much work to do! But I must remember that my purpose does not hinge on their performance and what they chose to do with their life.
• Feed your mind with positive things. This is a very important concept because there is a lot of garbage out there. Ranging from trashy novels, ghetto music videos, nasty music, unsavory places etc.etc. I choose not to drink and get drunk, AND I choose not to hang out with ANYONE who participates in that. The same goes for drugs. SAY NO TO DRUGS! I choose not to go partying, and clubbing…It’s just not my vibes. I feel awkward and out of place in those environments because I am surrounded by people who are not trying to go where I am going…I much rather spend time with my friends playing cards, eating, going to the movies, get-togethers at friends’ house, chatting, going on wild nature adventures, going to plays, the beach, and traveling. I LOVE to attend fellowships with other Christians. The college ministry, young married couples, young adults, and the ladies. Spending time with these people fill my soul. It encourages me to keep doing what I am doing.
• Additionally, I TRY to listen to music that is not degrading or just outright sinful. Yeah, I know…the beat is real catchy…But you have to try. I was singing “Blame it on the a a a a a alcohol…” the other day, and my husband so kindly said, “Do you know what they are saying in that song?” He then informed me that Fox was singing about a girl who got drunk, had a boyfriend, and he later had sex with her…Ummm, did you know that its considered rape to have sex with someone who is drunk?…Okay, maybe I don’t need to be singing that song…But dang it’s so catchy…hmmm…And as I write this I am looking at Beyonce’s music videos...:-)
• But in terms of positive things to feed my mind…I like to read books about building stronger marriage relationships, spiritual books, and anything that promotes better living. I am not much of a reader so I don’t spend much time reading for pleasure. Another way I try to contribute to feeding my mind is by studying my Bible and doing devotions. I must confess that I have to seriously improve in this area and simply be more consistent. I have not managed to maintain a consistent pattern of daily devotion and prayer. I don’t know why this habit is sooooooo hard to form. It’s like exercising! Why can some people just jog every day…pray every day…with ease? I wish I could be more consistent in this area. I need to find someone who can help keep me accountable…It is my personal goal is to improve in this area.
• Stay focused! Life can present itself with so many distractions to take our eyes away from the prize….Ranging from facebook or twitter addictions, to an obsession with celebrities. These things can really distract us from what we are supposed to me about. I heard something on CNN the other day where they said that there was this teen that was sending 5,000 text messages in one day. I can’t even imagine how that is possible…But I know that when we get so entrenched in things that are not really that important and we start to treat it like its important the devil is smiling…Because we have turned our attention onto things that are less important and does not draw us closer to where we need to be.
• Appreciate the good people in your life. There are friends who are my cheerleaders in life. They encourage, motivate and even inspire me. It’s easy to take them for granted because I know “they will always be there.” But that’s not true. They may not always be there…Sometimes I dwell on the people I want to have a relationship with (like my sisters) and forget that God has blessed me with so many sisters who want to have a relationship with me. It is so easy to block God’s blessing because we are looking for it in someone else. I believe that no matter where you are in this world, the Lord will always send his angel in the form of a friend just for you. The time you spend following senseless tweets, or facebook statuses, reading random forwards can be better spent appreciating these good people.
Dear Lord,
Please help me to reprioritize my life. Help me to stay focused on the things I need to stay focused on. Help me to draw close the people who are trying to go where I am going. Help me to find them and help me to rid myself of individuals in my life who are simply a distraction. Or better yet, help me to help them be better…God, help me to be better, to grow closer to you and to live my life with purpose and passion…because you gave me life…you gave me another day to make a difference. Help me not to be distracted with the media (facebook, tv, email etc.) as I have but help me to use it to advance my goals and my mission in life. Please help me not to place emphasis on the thing that are not important but rather on the things that are important (family, friends, making a positive difference in my community, serving in your church, building strong and positive relationships, and ultimately serving you God). Please help me to develop healthy habits such as reading positive books, daily devotion and prayer, and regular bible study. And please help me to be an example in word, thought, and deed…especially when no one is looking. Use me God…and help me to be better than I am today.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
• Choose to surround yourself with positive individuals who are where you want to be or on their way. You should be able to look at every single one of your friends and ask yourself, “What do they contribute to my life?” The closest people in your life should be striving to go the same place where you are going. First and foremost, I surround myself with spiritual people. It’s not a surprise then that most of my friends are Christians. And not just any and every Christian but Christians who are striving to live right, do right, and be right. Christians who though they make mistakes they recognize that they have not “arrived.” They realize that they must depend on God for everything…And there is a constant movement towards growing closer to God. You are probably thinking that sounds like I am looking for perfect friends. But I’m not…Just those who are striving for perfection :-).
• Another group of people I surround myself with are those who are aspiring to have successful careers. That would be individuals who are actually trying to graduate! They came to school with a purpose. Not to party, get drunk, go to the club, pledge, etc. etc. They came to school with one MAIN purpose…to get an education…Believe it or not, many people do not go to school for that purpose. If you are not careful, you may find yourself doing everything else but your school work…The people I chose to surround myself with when I was in college were the ones on the honor roll…the folks who were going where I was going…Straight As all the way…Or at least ASPIRING for As. We did other extra-curricular activities, but it never distracted us from our goal.
• In your professional career, you also want to stay close to folks who are going where you are going as well. Some people are just there to collect a paycheck. While others are there to make a difference! They work with purpose. Regardless of their position in the organization they do the best they can at their job. I like befriending these people. I can relate to their hearts. My motto is, “Anything you do, do it as you are doing it unto the Lord.” If you recognize that God is your boss, then you are more likely to work with passion and go further that the lazy Jo Blow you work with. I sometimes get discouraged at work when I find that people do not work with purpose and passion. I feel frustrated when I hear them talking for hours casually or see them on facebook all day…while complaining that they have soooo much work to do! But I must remember that my purpose does not hinge on their performance and what they chose to do with their life.
• Feed your mind with positive things. This is a very important concept because there is a lot of garbage out there. Ranging from trashy novels, ghetto music videos, nasty music, unsavory places etc.etc. I choose not to drink and get drunk, AND I choose not to hang out with ANYONE who participates in that. The same goes for drugs. SAY NO TO DRUGS! I choose not to go partying, and clubbing…It’s just not my vibes. I feel awkward and out of place in those environments because I am surrounded by people who are not trying to go where I am going…I much rather spend time with my friends playing cards, eating, going to the movies, get-togethers at friends’ house, chatting, going on wild nature adventures, going to plays, the beach, and traveling. I LOVE to attend fellowships with other Christians. The college ministry, young married couples, young adults, and the ladies. Spending time with these people fill my soul. It encourages me to keep doing what I am doing.
• Additionally, I TRY to listen to music that is not degrading or just outright sinful. Yeah, I know…the beat is real catchy…But you have to try. I was singing “Blame it on the a a a a a alcohol…” the other day, and my husband so kindly said, “Do you know what they are saying in that song?” He then informed me that Fox was singing about a girl who got drunk, had a boyfriend, and he later had sex with her…Ummm, did you know that its considered rape to have sex with someone who is drunk?…Okay, maybe I don’t need to be singing that song…But dang it’s so catchy…hmmm…And as I write this I am looking at Beyonce’s music videos...:-)
• But in terms of positive things to feed my mind…I like to read books about building stronger marriage relationships, spiritual books, and anything that promotes better living. I am not much of a reader so I don’t spend much time reading for pleasure. Another way I try to contribute to feeding my mind is by studying my Bible and doing devotions. I must confess that I have to seriously improve in this area and simply be more consistent. I have not managed to maintain a consistent pattern of daily devotion and prayer. I don’t know why this habit is sooooooo hard to form. It’s like exercising! Why can some people just jog every day…pray every day…with ease? I wish I could be more consistent in this area. I need to find someone who can help keep me accountable…It is my personal goal is to improve in this area.
• Stay focused! Life can present itself with so many distractions to take our eyes away from the prize….Ranging from facebook or twitter addictions, to an obsession with celebrities. These things can really distract us from what we are supposed to me about. I heard something on CNN the other day where they said that there was this teen that was sending 5,000 text messages in one day. I can’t even imagine how that is possible…But I know that when we get so entrenched in things that are not really that important and we start to treat it like its important the devil is smiling…Because we have turned our attention onto things that are less important and does not draw us closer to where we need to be.
• Appreciate the good people in your life. There are friends who are my cheerleaders in life. They encourage, motivate and even inspire me. It’s easy to take them for granted because I know “they will always be there.” But that’s not true. They may not always be there…Sometimes I dwell on the people I want to have a relationship with (like my sisters) and forget that God has blessed me with so many sisters who want to have a relationship with me. It is so easy to block God’s blessing because we are looking for it in someone else. I believe that no matter where you are in this world, the Lord will always send his angel in the form of a friend just for you. The time you spend following senseless tweets, or facebook statuses, reading random forwards can be better spent appreciating these good people.
Dear Lord,
Please help me to reprioritize my life. Help me to stay focused on the things I need to stay focused on. Help me to draw close the people who are trying to go where I am going. Help me to find them and help me to rid myself of individuals in my life who are simply a distraction. Or better yet, help me to help them be better…God, help me to be better, to grow closer to you and to live my life with purpose and passion…because you gave me life…you gave me another day to make a difference. Help me not to be distracted with the media (facebook, tv, email etc.) as I have but help me to use it to advance my goals and my mission in life. Please help me not to place emphasis on the thing that are not important but rather on the things that are important (family, friends, making a positive difference in my community, serving in your church, building strong and positive relationships, and ultimately serving you God). Please help me to develop healthy habits such as reading positive books, daily devotion and prayer, and regular bible study. And please help me to be an example in word, thought, and deed…especially when no one is looking. Use me God…and help me to be better than I am today.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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