So it's been about a year since I had Jayce and I must say that being a new mom is both a happy and overwhelming
experience all at the same time. On one hand you’ve just experienced the
miracle of life…And probably the most amazing thing to happen in your life…The
love parents feel towards their child is simply indescribable. You could not
have convinced me that I would have LOVED being a mommy this much!! I always
said I was OKAY with not having ANY kids…But after having Jayce my cup just
runs over with the love I feel towards him. All that said, motherhood, and
parenthood is no joke…And not for the faint of heart!
In the beginning you are faced with the battle of sleep
depravation. As with everything, some people deal better with that than others.
In my case, I was at the bottom of the pits…Sleep depravation was the WORST!
People say you get used to sleeping less…LIES! LIES I SAY…ALL LIES! I didn’t
get used to it AT all. Thank the Lord I have a wonderful husband who coped so
much better than I did…And was super duper helpful! I would have totally lost
it had it not been for him. What I want to know is, how on God’s green earth do
single parents do this by themselves!!!!??? I could have barely held it
together those first few weeks and I HAD HELP!!!
OHHHH…And let’s not talk about breastfeeding! Again some
people are winners when it comes to breastfeeding…From day one they and little
one are having a miracle bonding experience…The stars in the heavens sing to
them every night as the clouds float by…They love it so much they breast feed
until their child can walk and talk and ask for food. NOT ME! From day one it
was a struggle…A struggle of milk supply…A struggle of wanting to do it but
feeling inadequate…A struggle of trying, pumping, breastfeeding, struggling,
tears, more tears, more frustration, and trying some more…I did it for 5 months
and I literally limped all the way those 5 months…I felt like an utter failure.
And guess what, I had absolutely no idea that there was such a thing as milk
supply problems!! So I was so caught off guard from the get-go and I didn’t
know what to do…If I had known then what I know now, I would have cut myself some
slack, be okay with giving my baby formula, and not stress with pumping round
the clock etc. I would have alleviated that frustration, allowed myself to
sleep and therefore be more present with my baby.
But once you can keep your eyes open long enough, and step
back into the real world…It’s time to go back to work! You have barely adjusted
to this major life change when another one hits you right in the head!! Now you
are overwhelmed with having to add WORK to what seems like more than a full
time job, caring for baby…How on earth are you supposed to make it 8 hours in
the days and FUNCTION like a normal person!? To that I say, impossible…your
brain will feel fuzzy…You get to work late…And by 10am you will feel like its
5pm. You will forget things…Probably everything…And if you were used to doing
10 things in a day, getting 2 done may become an accomplishment! You then start
to look around you and observe “others.” You say to yourself, Why can’t I be
like Mary Sue over there who looks like she’s got it all together!” Little do you
know that Mary Sue drank herself to sleep last night cause she’s been fronting
for the past 2 years! You think you’ve
got problems!? Never judge a book by its cover, OK!
The temptation to compare yourself is stronger than ever…And
will continue to grow as your child grows…As you find yourself in situations
where you wished things were different…Like…why can’t my child sit still in
church? Or why cant my child fall asleep in the car like every other baby in
the world!? Or, why can’t my child not have a meltdown in public!? Why is he
crying like a baby!! Was that a tantrum!? Holy Molly! *covers head in a
paper bag and pretend no one is watching*
OH…OHHHHH!!! You have to stop the press for this one! SEX
after baby!! So the doctors give you the “clearance” to resume your sexual
relationship after 6 weeks…To which I say…Baahhahahahahahahah!!!!LOL! ROTF! LOL!
Like seriously…I’ve just birthed a human…I haven’t slept 4 consecutive hours
since I don’t know when…I have random outbursts of all sorts of emotions at any
given point in time…I am tired…And quite frankly, I just don’t care…YES I SAID
IT…Those of you who have a baby, are probably saying…”Preach sista!” and those
of you who’ve yet to experience this wonderful joyous occasion probably have
raised eyebrows going…Waaaaatttt THE HELL!? And the men have stopped reading by
this point because that was just blasphemy!
Yeah, let’s be real…IF you were one of the “lucky” ones who
went back to having sex 3 times a week when your baby turned 6 weeks, I would
like to meet you…shake your hand, and give you a medal, a trophy even! Cause
you sure deserve it for that sacrifice of self and sanity. As for most of the
rest of us we struggle AND continue to struggle…Some take 3 months, others 6,
and even 12 months before there is any semblance of normality again. I’m not
the only one…And I want you to know…you are not strange, different or
crazy…It’s a struggle we ALL experience at one point or another…Childbirth just
happens to be a trigger for a lot of us. So what about the husbands!!? Yeah,
yeah…what about them!? LISTEN, I just birthed a human…so honestly…I don’t
care…Did I mention I have the world’s most awesome husband!? So why don’t I
care?? Because I am just too tired to care quite frankly…
Truth be told…After a while you do start to care…And those
voices in the wilderness who told you, “Don’t worry…it does get better…”
gradually get closer…And little by little you are able to “recover,” create a
new normal if you may. At some point, whether 6 weeks or 18 months, your baby
sleeps through the night…At some point you get more sleep. At some point you
feel slightly less incompetent and have a little more pep in your step…BUT
here’s the thing…for EVERYONE there is a different timeline…Just as each baby
is different, born with their own unique personalities, so is every mother,
father and parenting style. All that plays a part in returning to “normal.”
Don’t be discouraged if you have a particularly “difficult” baby. It’s nothing
you did wrong, its just the way the cookie crumbled.
I don’t like using cliché statements like, “I wouldn’t trade
it for the world.” IT being the new baby and the good and bad that goes along
with it. To me, it seems that society makes you feel compelled to say that or
feel that way…But there are many moms out there frustrated, depressed, have
post partum depression, and really burdened. Sooo many moms feel guilty and
unable to really share how they feel because “everyone” around them has an
unwritten expectation that she should be overjoyed and happy. So let’s please
be careful about fulfilling stereotypes, especially when you don’t feel that
way.
And to that I say, “I would not trade my son for the world”…YES,
most definitely…BUT, I would like to get some more sleep next time…I would like
my sex life to have a sense of normality way sooner and in general…And I would
like to not struggle with breastfeeding…I would TRADE those things in
anytime…But if it means that I have to do this all over again to have Jayce,
then I guess I’ll do it…As hard as it was…Cause he’s worth it a thousand times
over!
What about you!? How was your first year being a mom? Is there
anything you can relate too? I would love to hear your experience and any tips
you have for new moms!
P.S. It does get better! Jayce sleeps 10-12 hours every
night, takes a nice nap during the day, and is just my pride and joy!
 |
| Jayce newborn |
 |
| 6 weeks |
 |
| 4 months |
 |
| 9.5 months |
 |
| Birthday boy! 1 year! |
Well-said! (I still feel vindicated.)
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your stories. Most of the moms can relate to you. Lovely pictures.
ReplyDelete