If he cheats…What will you do?

To my married sisters…Have you ever asked yourself what you will do if your husband cheats on you? Would you stay? Would you forgive? Will you ever be able to trust again? Would you cut his balls off?
I have often given this much thought…I started dating my husband when we were 20, got married at 25 and have been happily married for 3 and a half years. I sometimes wonder when I am going to wake up and realize my life is falling apart…I sometimes wonder if one day my blissful marriage would take a nose dive and head straight for hell…I sometimes wonder why men cheat, and what makes my husband any different…(Even though I think he’s a great husband and an even better friend!)

When folks get married, I am quite sure that for the most part these two individuals envision a life of happiness together…I am sure that a lot of folks are like me…Till death do us part…We walk into marriage thinking this is forever…happily ever after…

But what happens when happy stops coming around? And eyes are turned for another? What then? So many people have lived this very moment…Friends, parents, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters…Yet many times we think this would not happen to me…That was their marriage but I know we are “different”…WE LOVE EACH OTHER…Yeah…amm…ok…And you don’t think they didn’t love each other at one point…??

I am very cognizant of the fact that this CAN happen to me…which may seem strange to some…But it can happen to you too. People change…we must remember that…And it is my hope that both my husband and I would ALWAYS change for the better…But sometimes that does not happen…Sometimes life takes people in a direction they never planned for…they never hoped for…The murder of your sister, the loss of your mother, the loss of your baby, the birth of a baby…the loss of your job, then your house, financial calamity…There are so many things in life that we cannot even begin to predict…Much more predict how we will react if our lives are affected by such tragedy. Tragedy can change us…it can make us or break us…We can survive it by the power of God, or we can chose to die from it…Die emotionally…

The same is true of adultery…We can survive by the power of God…or we can become bitter, negative, and hateful…And the question is what will you chose to do? If he cheats…what will you do?

I cannot even imagine what I would really do…I am extremely protective of my marriage and my friendship with my husband. So just like the friend I wrote about in one of my earlier posts, I would be utterly hurt and disappointed that he didn’t tell me something was wrong…that he made me live a lie…Because if I am here thinking everything is perfect and it’s not, then that makes me really mad!

Not too long ago my husband and I had an argument…To me it was rather trivial…so trivial that I was crazy upset that he would drag out this “non-issue” (to me) by avoiding me, and not speaking to me for 2 days…I can barely remember what the fight was about…that is how stupid it was…not even worth remembering…But one thing came out from that situation…My husband told me that something I did or the way I said it really upset him…and it was something that I had “always” done…Well boy, nothing could make me more upset than to hear about something I “always” did and not know about it before! Look, if you want to get upset with me for something, let me know about it! My friendship with you DEMANDS this…Therefore I will be quite aware of that action and try to curb it…But playa, don’t tell me I “always” do this and you “always” get upset and I don’t know about it…I hit the roof to say the least…A part of me really felt betrayed…Betrayed that he would allow a painful issue to go unresolved by not fully explaining the gamete of his emotions…At the end of that conversation I told me husband, “please use words to describe your feelings…” I need something more than I feel upset…Break down what that really meant to you...

But you know, sometimes adultery is like that…There are issues in our marriage that we may consider “non-issues” but to the other person it’s a MAJOR ISSUE and vice versa. And there you are, living life happy, non-the-wiser that your spouse is grimacing with pain and anger on the inside. If you have issues with your spouse and you have not lovingly confronted them about these issues, please address this pronto! Don’t assume that an issue is too trivial to drive your spouse away. It’s these simple things that can come back to bite us years from now…and we may have to answer the questions…Why did he cheat? And what will I do now that he has cheated on me?

I suspect that if my husband ever decides to cheat on me it will be because he is unhappy…And I would probably be taken by surprise because “I thought we were happy!” My world would be turned upside down…And my perfect haven would have crashed…I will feel betrayed…First, as a friend you would not tell me what issues you had with us, and of course betrayed the sanctity of our marriage. But I know, and I believe that God can give us the strength to rebuild and repair if he was willing to rebuild our marriage…I can only hope that my emotions do not override Godly wisdom. I pray that I would have a strong network of friends who would be my rock, my shoulder to cry on, and provide a source of strength to see me through. But ultimately, I hope that we would regain what we lost…through prayer, counseling and whatever it takes…and we would not let the devil triumph over our marriage.