Parenting is Hard Sometimes

Hello blog! I know, it has been a WHILE since I last posted! Shrew!

So the latest, I am 17 weeks pregnant and Jayce is turning two…More like the TERRIBLE two. OMG, I feel like I am loosing my mind sometimes.  Parenting can be so rewarding and yet at the same time so frustrating!! Ugh! It’s also something that really highlights our inadequacies.  I lack so greatly in patience and tolerance sometimes. This is the stage for testing boundaries and being very demanding. His new thing now is saying, “mine! Mine! Mine!” And if you don’t give it to him its meltdown mania! It’s constant battle of redirection and ignoring foolishness. But sometimes it’s hard to ignore…And sometimes, though you understand intellectually what’s happening, emotionally you are on a tight rope!

For some strange reason the last two days Jayce has taken a SUDDEN dislike to his crib. He woke up 2am one morning screaming…We assumed it was a bad dream but when we went to put him back down he absolutely refused to lay down in the crib. He would pop right back out. We brought him to our bed, but after an hour NO ONE was getting any sleep, so back upstairs I sent him. Again he refused to lay in the crib…I gave him a snack, some milk and read a few stories. An hour later I finally got him to lay down. The next day when it was time for his nap he screamed bloody murder again and would not lay down! I ended up bringing him to my bed and we napped together. That night it was another fight…My husband tried to put him to bed at 7:30pm. I came home around 7:45pm to see Jayce sitting in the living room playing with the ipad. My husband said he didn’t have the energy to fight with him. We allowed him to stay up until about 9 pm then attempted to put him down. He screamed, he cried…We left him there thinking he must fall asleep eventually. We even left the house after a while so we didn’t torture ourselves with his crying…(Yes I know, shame on us for leaving a crying baby!). We came back in the house close to 11pm and he was still crying!! I could not believe it! Jayce has never cried for even one hour much less two! How was this even possible!? My sweet child who we would put down each night and would blow us kisses saying “nite nite” has now turned into a demon possessed child!! How did this happen!!?? My perfect sleeper who slept for 12 hours every night since he was five months old! Eventually we thought to lay a mattress on the floor. He laid down and fell asleep instantly from sheer tiredness. But now when he wakes up he screams like his has been kidnapped, and runs to the door, stomping his little feet and crying at the top of his lungs! He’s evidently frightened and I don’t know why and I don’t know what to do! Compare that with just earlier this week he would wake up and just talk to his little toys in his crib for at least 30 minutes before I get him!

This morning he decided to wake up two hours early…WE brought him to our bed hoping that he would just fall asleep. He laid there and tossed and turned for an hour. It was frustrating because once he’s awake in our bed NO ONE gets any sleep. And when I don’t get sleep…or when I am sleep deprived my sanity goes out the window. My patience grows thin. I snap and bite. I have no love in my voice. I am irritated at everything. I am overwhelmed. I feel like I am falling apart. Things I can normally handle I cant. I feel like I am crumbling on the inside. Today was a reminder of not only my inadequacies, but just my inability to be in total control of myself and this situation. I prayed to God to not take it away (which is what I would normally pray) but to just give me what I need to make it…to survive and not kill Jayce! So per my husband’s suggestion I sent him to daycare for the day. To give me some time to really just breathe, refocus and cry! Maybe get some rest.

Parenting is so rewarding…The hugs, and cuddles, the kisses, and giggles. The joy. The laughter. BUT it can also be tiring, hard, and overwhelming at times. Today is my day to have a mommy meltdown day. I pray for a better day tomorrow!  And if you have any advice on the sleeping situation or transitioning from a crib to a bed, and calming his fears when he wakes up etc please do share!

P.S. co-sleeping is NOT an option for us and not something we want to do.