HOW COULD YOU!!!!? Screamed the wife in tears…How could you do this to me? Do this to your family!!!!? Your children!!!? HOW COULD YOU!!!!! What did I do to you to deserve this? She said as tears streamed down her face. Rage, anger, hatred, bitterness, resentment, jealousy, frustration all imploded in her being all at once…She thought her head was going to explode! She could see no relief from the agony…that her lover, friend, and soulmate has caused her. Her heart was grief stricken…She couldn’t think…Every thought made absolutely no sense! WAS IT ALL A LIE!!? She exclaimed!? All those times you told me you loved me…were you just fronting it!?
No, he chided quietly…appearing to be hurt by her disposition.
THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THIS TO ME!!?? I thought our love was precious! I thought you were a man of God! I thought you…you…were my friend…she said, as she panted for breath to talk..
In an instant, her world, as she knew it changed…In an instant, her equilibrium was shifted to a place she had never gone before…To a place she had never known…
She stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her…She sat crying silently on the bathroom floor…Her body trembled with the tears of agony…She moaned, and asked God why…Why God? Why did this happen to me? God, I did not deserve this? I was faithful! I was a good wife! I was a good Christian! WHY GOD!??? WHY!!?
Do you know this woman? I feel so emotional writing this…It’s not my story…BUT it’s someone’s story…reflected in exactly how I would feel if it were me…And the thought is enough to make me cry.
It’s amazing to me what we are capable of doing to our “friends.” The people we love the most…It’s amazing to me how much of ourselves we invest in others…whether our family, spouses, friends…But do we invest as much energy in ourselves? In our souls? Are we able to recover when our world is shattered at this very instant?
A couple days ago I was reflecting on a situation that happened a little over a year ago…And I asked myself, “why didn’t she fight for me? Why did she give up on me? On us? Was I not of value to her?” The confusion in my mind, brought tears to my heart…Because I just could not understand these unresolved questions. So was it a lie? The last 15 years…was it a bad friendship? Did you not really care for me? What about the time you talked about protecting my heart? Where did that go??And so the questions go…And the feelings of fury and sadness return…
She was not my lover…she was simply a friend…a regular gal pal. She was not my soul mate, the person I want to spend the rest of my life with…But she was a friend…And I thought to myself, what she did, is nothing compared to what others have done…Its nothing compared to the wives, families, children, husbands who have been abandoned by their significant other.
As a human, you have to realize that you are capable of helping someone climb a mountain, or pushing them off the mountain. As a friend, you have an even greater impact…Because friends allow each other to come close to their hearts…They allow each other into that personal space reserved for a select few…And when that trust, is broken, or that space is taken advantage of, persons are left scared, damaged, and hurt.
Have you seen the "Craigslist Killer" or the "Social Network?" What stood out for me in those movies were the friends that just did each other wrong...I am sure the facebook dude's best friend was hurt by what happened? Though rich, I am sure a part of him wonders how could he have stabbed me in the back like this? My heart really did ache watching that movie...Because I saw how "easy" its us to hurt each other...through selfishness, greed, or stubborness...and What about mister craigslist...Mister was in medical school for crying out loud!!! About to get married to a fellow med student. NO WAY did she see that coming! Can you imagine how her life must have been turned upside down and rightside out!?
But this I can say…thank God for God! In times of sadness and despair, our reaction is often to run…To hide from it…to avoid it…We might do this through work, becoming over involved with life…never having a dull moment…also known as never having a moment to think…about it…We tire ourselves out with life, that we rarely if ever give ourselves time for self-reflection…But as soon as we have a quiet moment, life comes crashing down.
But I want to encourage us to not run from “it” but face it…Deal with it…Face the hurt, anger, pain, and allow yourself to go through it…Seek God, and He will provide a circle of support and wise council for your journey. There are resources out there to help you and me…Whether it’s a partner to walk with on a spiritual journey, a prayer partner, a counselor or therapist, a self-help group...when you seek to better yourself, windows and doors will open up! It’s when we hide, we often feel alone…But when we face our “its” we can prevail triumphantly. We can grow…And we can look back at the periods of sadness, and depression, as a moment in time, that God was allowing us to face adversity, so we could be a better me.
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