Change!

Change is often difficult even when we have the best intentions to do the right thing. There are so many moments when we make up our mind to be different…Perhaps we want to eat healthier or lose some weight. Perhaps we said that we are going to invest time in God’s word so we could stay full. Or maybe we said that we were not going to pursue that toxic relationship that has been weighing us down. But sometimes we manage to push through and have a groundbreaking change. And we celebrate those moments that signify great strides. Maybe we find ourselves less dependent on people and more dependent on God. Maybe we open up ourselves and our hearts to new relationships which led to new found blessings. And even when we have successfully changed, we may suffer moments when we may even “relapse” and return to our old ways. Sometimes in those moments when we relapse we lose hope in our ability to truly change and be better, be different, and just be consistent.

Why is change so hard? Why can’t we just wake up one morning and say to ourselves, “Self, today is the day I am turning all of this mess around and I am doing what I need to do!..I’m gonna live for Jesus!” And then actually change. Sometimes we hear that good ole Sunday morning sermon that gets us all riled up and shouting for glory…We are on a “gospel high!” Other times we are encouraged by the ladies’ day lectureship, or Bible school teacher…Something is said that just touches us and moves us…And again, we are motivated and encouraged to change…But then what? What happens after all the hype is gone and the prayers are said? We are left to figure out how to pick up the pieces…And it is in that process of figuring out where to start? How to start? What to do? That we sometimes feel lost, alone, scared, and inhibited. We feel overwhelmed with the insurmountable things that we NEED to do in order to bring about this great big change. This feeling sometimes paralyzes us and stops us dead in our tracks…It brings feelings of discouragement and self-defeat…

I remember telling my husband one time that I wanted to lose weight. Though this is not by any means a “ground breaking” change, it’s something that I have ALWAYS wanted to do. But one day I found myself in tears telling him that I don’t believe I have the power within me to lose weight. I feel so frustrated at times because I want to exercise consistently…But I am not a morning person so it’s hard to get up…But I want to exercise in the evenings, but I am so tired when I come from work I just want to relax…But I want to eat healthy, but I just don’t have time to cook everyday…But I want to lose weight!!!! AND I JUST CAN’T!!! So as the feelings of self-defeat kick in, I start to move from the highly motivated “let’s get up and go! We CAN DO THIS!” to the self-defeated, “who am I kidding, I can never do this!” And slowly but surely the hype disappears and I find myself defeated once again.

I started off all “hot and sweaty...” I bought exercise DVDs from Salsa dancing to Tae-bo. I even got a Wii fit and the zumba on the wii…I have joined a gym, and gone to many aerobics classes. But somewhere along the line I seem to fall off my routine and then I lose heart and lose faith…And so I stop…I stop trying… “why bother” I tell myself…I’ve been exercising for 3 weeks and nothing has happened anyway (never mind that even though I was exercising I was not eating healthy consistently!) But at the end of the day it was the lack of results, or inconsistent efforts that de-motivated me…Until I hear that motivation speech where I jump on the bandwagon again!

Though I talk about exercising, we can apply this to any aspect of our life where we see a need or desire a change…but somewhere along the way we lose hope and stop trying… But there is something missing between being motivated, being willing to change, AND actually changing…Often times we do not consider the barriers that are before us that can hinder our ability to change. We somehow expect that once we make up our minds to change then the barriers don’t really exist. But in all actuality they do still exist, whether we acknowledge it or not. It is the person who is able to not only identify the barriers in their life but also figure out ways to overcome those barriers are the ones who are more likely to be successful in changing. So until I consider that my poor sleep habits will never allow me to get enough sleep to be fully rested, then I would never be able to wake up early and not feel tired…Or I would never be able to consistently exercise without feeling like I need to take a few days off here and there because I am too tired. But once I acknowledge that my sleep patterns will affect not just my energy levels but my mood and motivation to exercise the next day then I would never been able to concur that challenge. And that is just one barrier…What about nutrition and eating healthy. Yeah I know some stuff about how to eat healthy…but have I really educated myself about nutrition and invested time in learning easy meal planning strategies? If what I am doing is not working now, why do I think my sudden desire to change will now make it work? I have to change what I am doing now…But what do I change it to?

I know I am supposed to eat more fruits and vegetables. I know I should eat smaller portions but more frequently…But how do I translate that knowledge into everyday life. So instead of taking the time to not only educate myself, and see a nutritionist who could give me those everyday tips, I decided to make it on my own. I seek no resources, I just make up my mind that I am going to buy more fruits, eat more vegetables, and be healthy…But somewhere along the way my fruits run out, and I didn’t get a chance to cook, so I stop by McDonalds on the way home because its quick and easy. What I have done is set myself up for failure because I wanted a quick fix.

Ah-ha!!! That’s it right there – a quick fix…Change is soooooo difficult because we are all looking for a quick fix. We want to change, and because we want it we feel like it should happen once we make up our minds to change. On top of that, if we slip and fall back into old habits (habits that took years to shape by the way) we get frustrated and feel dejected because we have proven once again that we cannot change.

So what can we do to help change along and actually be successful in changing!? Well I am glad you asked.

1. Identify what exactly you wish to change. Losing weight is different from living a healthy life. One is short term the other is long term. And both might be equally important. So be specific.

2. Take small steps towards achieving big goals. I cannot lose 30 pounds overnight. And the research states that if I try any of those lose weight fast diet that I am likely to put on MORE weight because I cannot maintain that diet. But there are simply things that I can do that will make a big different. Cutting out sodas and replacing it with water is one example. I might not lose weight but it would definitely help with my sugar intake and prevent diabetes!

3. Take time to identify the barriers to the change you are trying to make. As with my example of losing weight, my sleep habits, eating habits, and lack of follow through are identifiable barriers. I must identify and acknowledge it if I am determined to overcome it.

4. Determine if it is something you can change or if it is something you have no control over. You can control your thoughts, actions and emotions, BUT you cannot control someone else’s emotions. But with that said, even if you cannot control a barrier, you can still plan around how you can circumvent that barrier. For instance, my husband’s affinity to sweets serves as a temptation for me to indulge with him. Though I can ask him to help me I cannot control his eating habits…So I have to figure out how to see sweet stuff in the house and not be tempted! Like those Hershey’s kisses I have been snacking on every day!

5. Recognize that there are barriers to even overcoming barriers! For instance, while I acknowledge that I need to get more sleep (a barrier); my desire to watch TV sometimes supersedes my desire to get adequate sleep. So watching TV is a secondary barrier that I also need to address.

6. Make a plan that is realistic to overcome the barriers. To say that I will no longer watch TV and that would solve the sleep problem is a very simplistic plan that I have tried and did not work! Instead, what is more realistic is to record all the TV shows I want to watch, and watch it on the weekend when I am free and have more time. I can also watch those shows on nights that I do not have any “special” shows I watch. To eliminate temptation I can cut the cable and rely on internet TV…If only I can convince my husband!

7. Acknowledge that even when you identify barriers, make a plan to overcome those barriers, and seem to be doing well, there would be times when you “slip up.” That’s okay. Make room for mistakes and make that part of the plan. That way when it does happen you would not need to beat yourself up. By making room for mistakes you are giving yourself room to be human.

8. After plan A, make a plan B. Plan A is to exercise in the morning. But if I wake up and I feel super tired and just don’t have the energy to get up, Plan B is to exercise during my lunch break, and if for some reason that does not work, Plan C is to walk around the neighborhood after work, and if that does not work, Plan B is to exercise before going to bed.

9. Seek help! So often we try to change and we figure that we have to do this on our own. Whether professional help or help from friends. We don’t have to do this alone. Part of my plan involves seeing the nutritionist so I can get practical guidance from the expert. But if you are suffering with depression, anxiety, self-esteem, low self-worth, relationship difficulties, you do not have to make a plan on your own. A professional can go a long way in giving you the simple steps to give you a head start.

10. Acknowledge that you have changed before. Although change is hard you are always evolving…You have made great strides in certain areas of your life. What did you do to accomplish that? Discover your strengths by identifying how you made prior changes in your life. Write it down.

11. And last but certainly not least, keep God in the loop. Talk to Him about what you want to do, the changes you want to make, your challenges, barriers, frustrations…and ask him to open your heart and lead you to where you need to go. But remember, at the end of the day after talking with God you have to follow it up with action. Because all talk and no works results in nothing!