HOW COULD YOU!!!!? Screamed the wife in tears…How could you do this to me? Do this to your family!!!!? Your children!!!? HOW COULD YOU!!!!! What did I do to you to deserve this? She said as tears streamed down her face. Rage, anger, hatred, bitterness, resentment, jealousy, frustration all imploded in her being all at once…She thought her head was going to explode! She could see no relief from the agony…that her lover, friend, and soulmate has caused her. Her heart was grief stricken…She couldn’t think…Every thought made absolutely no sense! WAS IT ALL A LIE!!? She exclaimed!? All those times you told me you loved me…were you just fronting it!?
No, he chided quietly…appearing to be hurt by her disposition.
THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THIS TO ME!!?? I thought our love was precious! I thought you were a man of God! I thought you…you…were my friend…she said, as she panted for breath to talk..
In an instant, her world, as she knew it changed…In an instant, her equilibrium was shifted to a place she had never gone before…To a place she had never known…
She stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her…She sat crying silently on the bathroom floor…Her body trembled with the tears of agony…She moaned, and asked God why…Why God? Why did this happen to me? God, I did not deserve this? I was faithful! I was a good wife! I was a good Christian! WHY GOD!??? WHY!!?
Do you know this woman? I feel so emotional writing this…It’s not my story…BUT it’s someone’s story…reflected in exactly how I would feel if it were me…And the thought is enough to make me cry.
It’s amazing to me what we are capable of doing to our “friends.” The people we love the most…It’s amazing to me how much of ourselves we invest in others…whether our family, spouses, friends…But do we invest as much energy in ourselves? In our souls? Are we able to recover when our world is shattered at this very instant?
A couple days ago I was reflecting on a situation that happened a little over a year ago…And I asked myself, “why didn’t she fight for me? Why did she give up on me? On us? Was I not of value to her?” The confusion in my mind, brought tears to my heart…Because I just could not understand these unresolved questions. So was it a lie? The last 15 years…was it a bad friendship? Did you not really care for me? What about the time you talked about protecting my heart? Where did that go??And so the questions go…And the feelings of fury and sadness return…
She was not my lover…she was simply a friend…a regular gal pal. She was not my soul mate, the person I want to spend the rest of my life with…But she was a friend…And I thought to myself, what she did, is nothing compared to what others have done…Its nothing compared to the wives, families, children, husbands who have been abandoned by their significant other.
As a human, you have to realize that you are capable of helping someone climb a mountain, or pushing them off the mountain. As a friend, you have an even greater impact…Because friends allow each other to come close to their hearts…They allow each other into that personal space reserved for a select few…And when that trust, is broken, or that space is taken advantage of, persons are left scared, damaged, and hurt.
Have you seen the "Craigslist Killer" or the "Social Network?" What stood out for me in those movies were the friends that just did each other wrong...I am sure the facebook dude's best friend was hurt by what happened? Though rich, I am sure a part of him wonders how could he have stabbed me in the back like this? My heart really did ache watching that movie...Because I saw how "easy" its us to hurt each other...through selfishness, greed, or stubborness...and What about mister craigslist...Mister was in medical school for crying out loud!!! About to get married to a fellow med student. NO WAY did she see that coming! Can you imagine how her life must have been turned upside down and rightside out!?
But this I can say…thank God for God! In times of sadness and despair, our reaction is often to run…To hide from it…to avoid it…We might do this through work, becoming over involved with life…never having a dull moment…also known as never having a moment to think…about it…We tire ourselves out with life, that we rarely if ever give ourselves time for self-reflection…But as soon as we have a quiet moment, life comes crashing down.
But I want to encourage us to not run from “it” but face it…Deal with it…Face the hurt, anger, pain, and allow yourself to go through it…Seek God, and He will provide a circle of support and wise council for your journey. There are resources out there to help you and me…Whether it’s a partner to walk with on a spiritual journey, a prayer partner, a counselor or therapist, a self-help group...when you seek to better yourself, windows and doors will open up! It’s when we hide, we often feel alone…But when we face our “its” we can prevail triumphantly. We can grow…And we can look back at the periods of sadness, and depression, as a moment in time, that God was allowing us to face adversity, so we could be a better me.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Happiness is Fleeting
Sunday (Dec 26) we were itching to go somewhere for vacation…But where could we go…St. Louis? New York? If it was not for the SNOW we would have done that…But we craved for somewhere warmer…And so we decided on Florida, Orlando FL! IT was probably around 8:30pm that night that we decided that we would just go for it, and figure out everything else along the way. The only “plan” we had was that we would just leave whenever…whenever we finished packing and booking out hotel room the next day. We had a tentative plan to leave at 2pm…We didn’t leave until 4pm!
So we booked our hotel using our points from our Amex credit card. Now I must pause for a cause here…I am not one to promote the use of credit cards, but this one deserves some hype. If you are capable of using a credit card like a debit card…that is you don’t spend what you don’t have…and pay it off right after you charge it, then get the Starwood Preferred Guests credit card from Amex. This card has a reward system like no other. In 2010, we stayed in Atlanta GA, St. Louis MO, Dallas TX, Jacksonville FL, and Orlando FL for FREE! A total of 12 nights at Sheratons across the U.S. was all free! I could probably do an ad for them for real. They also allow you to redeem your points for gift cards…So instead of the free hotel stays, I could have gotten twelve $50 gift cards to places like GAP, old navy etc. We have never done that because we can ALWAYS use free hotel stays valued at least $100 per night! If you know of a credit card that pays you at least $1,200 a year in rewards PLEASE LET ME KNOW…We use our credit card to pay all bills that allow us to pay with AMEX, we also use it to purchase gas, food, entertainment, travel, shopping etc. Since I don’t really use a credit card for the “credit” part, the most I would do is buy something knowing that I will pay it off at the end of the month when we get paid. Also, using a credit card allows me to keep track of my spending…believe it or not, I am more likely to spend more carelessly if I use cash!
Anyhoo, so Monday morning we booked our hotel, and we left home 4pm that afternoon. Nothing was planned! When we decided that we were going we had no idea where we would stay, what we would do in FL, how much money we would spend…Now for those of you who know me, this is a first for me. I am a planner at heart…Usually when its vacation time, I research possible activities, make a budget, and even research deals…I research which Sheraton we will stay, hunt for the best flight deals weeks, even months in advance…So, to decide today for tomorrow to go somewhere 10 hours away was huge for me! This was not the first time we had a spontaneous trip, but it was the first time it spanned a week!
I must say, I totally loved the spontaneity of this trip!!! It will go down as one of our best trips ever!! AS a matter of fact in 2010 we had some boss trips!! My theme for last year was basically to go for it…If I want to do it…then do it! And with that, we visited my sister/best friend and her husband in St. Louis, we went to an Alicia Keys concert in Atlanta , saw a hilarious Tyler Perry Play, went to a few comedy shows including Sedrick the Entertainer, NY Comic Strip live, and Goodnight comedy club for my birthday. We for the first time, had a unique experience in NY and went to Broadway play at last – Fela! We finally saw the Color Purple, made 3 trips to DC and saw the monuments, a steelpan show, visited friends in VA/DC…Went to the Caribbean lectureship in Trinidad and had a beach getaway in Tobago for our anniversary…then we went to Texas and met Margie and Weldon…a trip that has touched me like none other…So this Orlando trip simply ended the year off with a bang! We went to Seaworld, Aquatica, Universal Studios, and Islands of Adventure! On Tuesday we walked along the shore of Jacksonville beach and talked about our personal goals for the new year…IT was low key and sweet. We brought in the new year, tired as ever at universal studios or was it islands of adventure…they were right next to each other…
I look back on 2010 and I feel like I accomplished what I had set out…I tried a lot of things...Had I not decided on that theme, I would not have done half the things we did in 2010…I would have stopped myself because “someone” did not want to go…Or because it was too expensive…In 2010, I turned NOTHING down because of the price! I am proud to say that if I wanted to do it, I did…I often told my husband that he works very hard and he deserves to cut himself a break and enjoy something for working so hard…And with that said, I said – let’s do it! Forget price! Let’s do it! I want to see my sister…forget how much it costs…let’s do it…You have someone you want to visit…just do it…You never know how life is going to change…Don’t assume that you will have time to visit them “later.” Better to do it now, than to visit them at their funeral. That’s my mantra…I have given myself permission to spend a couple hundred dollars to see a friend…because my friend is worth more than that to me…I so, I hope to repeat many of the things we did in 2010 in this new year…I want to make sure I visit my sister in St.Louis and my dad in NY…and of course Trinidad and Jamaica…I also want to go to Hawaii, and on a cruise! AND, to the Caribbean lectureship in St. Lucia.
You are probably wondering where I am going to find the time to do all of that!? I only get 12 vacation days a year…But where there is a will, there is a way!! I will work an extra hour Monday-Thursday, that would allow me 2 days off using flex time….I will do that on the months that I need to take a week off…That way I would only use 3 vacation days for every 5 days I want off. I would also do the same for holiday weekends like Labor day or memorial day….Since its already a 3 day weekend, then I can add a day of flex and a work from home day to allow me to take a Wed-Sunday trip to visit friends and family without actually using a single vacation day. That way I would be able to stretch my vacation days and turn it into 5 full weeks off!! And if for some reason that does not work, I would gladly take a week of unpaid leave so I could live a little! Some companies offer flex time that does not expire…in that case, if you work an extra 8 hours a month by working an extra 30 minutes a day, you would be able to easily take 2 weeks off at the end of the year without even touching your vacation time…because your flex time basically turns into vacation days. Unfortunately BBBS does not allow us to roll over our flex time…So I would have to work within the limits and use it each pay period. Another thing I have done in the past, is to ask for a week of vacation instead of a pay raise. I did that after my first year because they only offered 5 days after one year of employment.
Anyway, I digress…I would like to share one thing that I have learnt through all my adventures in 2010…As much fun I had doing a million new and exciting things, I have learnt that happiness is fleeting. When you live in the moment, you are happy in the moment…It does not last…It does not carry you…and it does not make you a happier person…IT does not make you forget your problems, it does not hide your insecurities and it does not stop the tears…It does not stop the things that hurt you…The things that hurt me are still there…A friend who abandoned our 15 year friendship, family who blows me off, my dad not coming to visit, the hole in my heart because I don’t have a mother, the sadness I feel at times when I call my friends and they don’t call me back but I really needed someone to talk to, the stress of caring for a mentally ill mother, or even the feelings of abandonment I contend with from time to time…As much “fun” things you do with your life, it does not change the problems in your life…And therefore, it’s a temporary band aid that takes you away from life, and into a world of pure bliss.
The last 5 days, I was on a high! I was flying so high I could touch the sky! Each day I woke up happy to be with Jared, happy to be with my best friend, and happy to be flying on roller coasters, and swimming down a water slide, and just being a kid again…it was problem free! Pure bliss! Pure joy! Only smiles!! But then…we had to pack our bags and start our 10 hour journey home. As I sat in the car a wave of sadness just came over me…For no reason in particular, I just started to feel sad…Perhaps it was that a new year does not really bring a new you…Cause you still have the same problems? Perhaps it was that I was going back to work! And I got the back to work blues…But I don’t know if that’s really it…What I do know, is that happiness is fleeting…It does not last but a moment…
But joy, is something that is within your soul…Joy you get not from doing something fun…it’s from the life you chose to live…It’s from the decision you make to follow God…Pure joy is found only in God…And it is when we take our eyes off of the prize, discontentment in many aspects of our life set in. Discontentment is the killer of joy! Perhaps I am not content with my family life…perhaps there is something else I feel that I am missing…and with that, discontentment can easily replace my joy. Don’t allow discontentment to steal your joy…Put your blinders on and keep your eyes on the prize…Focus on God, and everything else will fall into place. I KNOW THIS…Sometimes I just need to remind myself!
Be blessed!
So we booked our hotel using our points from our Amex credit card. Now I must pause for a cause here…I am not one to promote the use of credit cards, but this one deserves some hype. If you are capable of using a credit card like a debit card…that is you don’t spend what you don’t have…and pay it off right after you charge it, then get the Starwood Preferred Guests credit card from Amex. This card has a reward system like no other. In 2010, we stayed in Atlanta GA, St. Louis MO, Dallas TX, Jacksonville FL, and Orlando FL for FREE! A total of 12 nights at Sheratons across the U.S. was all free! I could probably do an ad for them for real. They also allow you to redeem your points for gift cards…So instead of the free hotel stays, I could have gotten twelve $50 gift cards to places like GAP, old navy etc. We have never done that because we can ALWAYS use free hotel stays valued at least $100 per night! If you know of a credit card that pays you at least $1,200 a year in rewards PLEASE LET ME KNOW…We use our credit card to pay all bills that allow us to pay with AMEX, we also use it to purchase gas, food, entertainment, travel, shopping etc. Since I don’t really use a credit card for the “credit” part, the most I would do is buy something knowing that I will pay it off at the end of the month when we get paid. Also, using a credit card allows me to keep track of my spending…believe it or not, I am more likely to spend more carelessly if I use cash!
Anyhoo, so Monday morning we booked our hotel, and we left home 4pm that afternoon. Nothing was planned! When we decided that we were going we had no idea where we would stay, what we would do in FL, how much money we would spend…Now for those of you who know me, this is a first for me. I am a planner at heart…Usually when its vacation time, I research possible activities, make a budget, and even research deals…I research which Sheraton we will stay, hunt for the best flight deals weeks, even months in advance…So, to decide today for tomorrow to go somewhere 10 hours away was huge for me! This was not the first time we had a spontaneous trip, but it was the first time it spanned a week!
I must say, I totally loved the spontaneity of this trip!!! It will go down as one of our best trips ever!! AS a matter of fact in 2010 we had some boss trips!! My theme for last year was basically to go for it…If I want to do it…then do it! And with that, we visited my sister/best friend and her husband in St. Louis, we went to an Alicia Keys concert in Atlanta , saw a hilarious Tyler Perry Play, went to a few comedy shows including Sedrick the Entertainer, NY Comic Strip live, and Goodnight comedy club for my birthday. We for the first time, had a unique experience in NY and went to Broadway play at last – Fela! We finally saw the Color Purple, made 3 trips to DC and saw the monuments, a steelpan show, visited friends in VA/DC…Went to the Caribbean lectureship in Trinidad and had a beach getaway in Tobago for our anniversary…then we went to Texas and met Margie and Weldon…a trip that has touched me like none other…So this Orlando trip simply ended the year off with a bang! We went to Seaworld, Aquatica, Universal Studios, and Islands of Adventure! On Tuesday we walked along the shore of Jacksonville beach and talked about our personal goals for the new year…IT was low key and sweet. We brought in the new year, tired as ever at universal studios or was it islands of adventure…they were right next to each other…
I look back on 2010 and I feel like I accomplished what I had set out…I tried a lot of things...Had I not decided on that theme, I would not have done half the things we did in 2010…I would have stopped myself because “someone” did not want to go…Or because it was too expensive…In 2010, I turned NOTHING down because of the price! I am proud to say that if I wanted to do it, I did…I often told my husband that he works very hard and he deserves to cut himself a break and enjoy something for working so hard…And with that said, I said – let’s do it! Forget price! Let’s do it! I want to see my sister…forget how much it costs…let’s do it…You have someone you want to visit…just do it…You never know how life is going to change…Don’t assume that you will have time to visit them “later.” Better to do it now, than to visit them at their funeral. That’s my mantra…I have given myself permission to spend a couple hundred dollars to see a friend…because my friend is worth more than that to me…I so, I hope to repeat many of the things we did in 2010 in this new year…I want to make sure I visit my sister in St.Louis and my dad in NY…and of course Trinidad and Jamaica…I also want to go to Hawaii, and on a cruise! AND, to the Caribbean lectureship in St. Lucia.
You are probably wondering where I am going to find the time to do all of that!? I only get 12 vacation days a year…But where there is a will, there is a way!! I will work an extra hour Monday-Thursday, that would allow me 2 days off using flex time….I will do that on the months that I need to take a week off…That way I would only use 3 vacation days for every 5 days I want off. I would also do the same for holiday weekends like Labor day or memorial day….Since its already a 3 day weekend, then I can add a day of flex and a work from home day to allow me to take a Wed-Sunday trip to visit friends and family without actually using a single vacation day. That way I would be able to stretch my vacation days and turn it into 5 full weeks off!! And if for some reason that does not work, I would gladly take a week of unpaid leave so I could live a little! Some companies offer flex time that does not expire…in that case, if you work an extra 8 hours a month by working an extra 30 minutes a day, you would be able to easily take 2 weeks off at the end of the year without even touching your vacation time…because your flex time basically turns into vacation days. Unfortunately BBBS does not allow us to roll over our flex time…So I would have to work within the limits and use it each pay period. Another thing I have done in the past, is to ask for a week of vacation instead of a pay raise. I did that after my first year because they only offered 5 days after one year of employment.
Anyway, I digress…I would like to share one thing that I have learnt through all my adventures in 2010…As much fun I had doing a million new and exciting things, I have learnt that happiness is fleeting. When you live in the moment, you are happy in the moment…It does not last…It does not carry you…and it does not make you a happier person…IT does not make you forget your problems, it does not hide your insecurities and it does not stop the tears…It does not stop the things that hurt you…The things that hurt me are still there…A friend who abandoned our 15 year friendship, family who blows me off, my dad not coming to visit, the hole in my heart because I don’t have a mother, the sadness I feel at times when I call my friends and they don’t call me back but I really needed someone to talk to, the stress of caring for a mentally ill mother, or even the feelings of abandonment I contend with from time to time…As much “fun” things you do with your life, it does not change the problems in your life…And therefore, it’s a temporary band aid that takes you away from life, and into a world of pure bliss.
The last 5 days, I was on a high! I was flying so high I could touch the sky! Each day I woke up happy to be with Jared, happy to be with my best friend, and happy to be flying on roller coasters, and swimming down a water slide, and just being a kid again…it was problem free! Pure bliss! Pure joy! Only smiles!! But then…we had to pack our bags and start our 10 hour journey home. As I sat in the car a wave of sadness just came over me…For no reason in particular, I just started to feel sad…Perhaps it was that a new year does not really bring a new you…Cause you still have the same problems? Perhaps it was that I was going back to work! And I got the back to work blues…But I don’t know if that’s really it…What I do know, is that happiness is fleeting…It does not last but a moment…
But joy, is something that is within your soul…Joy you get not from doing something fun…it’s from the life you chose to live…It’s from the decision you make to follow God…Pure joy is found only in God…And it is when we take our eyes off of the prize, discontentment in many aspects of our life set in. Discontentment is the killer of joy! Perhaps I am not content with my family life…perhaps there is something else I feel that I am missing…and with that, discontentment can easily replace my joy. Don’t allow discontentment to steal your joy…Put your blinders on and keep your eyes on the prize…Focus on God, and everything else will fall into place. I KNOW THIS…Sometimes I just need to remind myself!
Be blessed!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
The Kirby’s
Last week we visited TX for the first time and I had the honor and privilege of meeting Weldon and Margie Kirby. The Kirby’s are members of the Church of Christ and was instrumental in helping Jared fund medical school. It’s interesting how the Lord works and blesses you for your good works when you least expect it. Way back when…sometime in the 1970’s, Jared’s parents were in the U.S. Texas to be exact. Jared’s mom was a young medical practitioner and his dad was attending preaching school as a budding preacher. They met Margie and at that time she was married to her 1st husband who was an invalid. She had to care for him and Jared’s mom helped her changed his IVs and provided emotional and medical support. They did not expect anything in return…They helped out of the kindness of their hearts and because that’s what Christians are supposed to do.
Margie’s first husband died, and she later married Weldon Kirby. Originally, they owned a cattle farm but lost everything during a downturn in the economy in the 1980s. Almost instantly they were bankrupt! Can you imagine going from riches to poverty overnight? I’m not exactly sure how the story goes, but someone came and visited the Kirby’s and pointed out the stone in their yard. Little did they know they were sitting on hidden treasure…The bankrupt farm turned into Kirby’s Stone Company! And from there poverty turned to riches almost overnight!? Isn’t God awesome!
Sadly, Weldon was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease in 1991. Please read his story on Michael J. Fox’s website. Scroll down to his name: http://www.michaeljfox.org/living_FacesOfParkinsons.cfm.
But even with his diagnosis, Weldon fought on…and lived on…He continued to faithfully serve God, his family, and helped others. We owe it to the Kirby’s for where we are today…And we owe it to Jared’s parents for being the kindhearted and loving people they are…because through their kindness their son was blessed. You reap what you sow…and they sewed good seeds…A lesson for us all.
Without the Kirby’s Jared might not have been able to attend medical school! There is nothing we did to deserve this favor. But they gave, out of the kindness of their heart…they gave…And we are where we are today because they gave.
So what a privilege to meet this fantastic couple! Weldon’s illness had progressed so we made it a priority to visit with them. This was my first trip to TX and I was excited to meet them! Little did I know what a profound impact they would have on me! My time with them was emotionally overwhelming, encouraging, tear jerking, and spiritually uplifting. When I was with Margie, I felt I was in the presence of Jesus. SERIOUSLY!!! In ways I have not seen before, I saw a devoted wife with demonstrated humility. With wide open arms, and high spirit energy she welcomed us into her home.
Over the summer the hard decision was made to place Weldon in an assisted living home. This was extremely difficult for Margie but she could no longer care for him on her own. The place was impressive to say the least! Clean, comfortable, professional and friendly! As I watched Margie’s interaction with Weldon my heart melted. She rubbed his arms and legs as he struggled to make a logical sentence (a side effect of the illness). It was hard to see him like this…Sometimes it was difficult to understand what he said as his words were mumbled. But never once did she have a frustrated or tired look on her face…Instead, she knelt by his chair, held his hand, and patiently asked him what he said…At times she would try to help him get his thoughts together by asking if he was referring to this or that. Other times she jumped in his bed and rubbed his leg as she listened attentively. When the nurses would ask her if she wanted him to eat now, she would immediately turn and ask him if he wanted to eat now. What this taught me is that she treated him like a whole person despite his illness…She did not make decisions on behalf of him (though that would have been easier). Instead, every decision from where to eat, if to eat, where to sit etc. was made by him because she took the time to ask him…Even if he was slow to respond or struggled to respond, she just waited patiently and looked attentively. Even if he responds, “whatever you think is best,” she looks at him and say, “no hon, what do you what?”
The day we visited he was having a bad day (he caught a bug and was sick all night) she asked him if he wanted her to stay with him…and so she spent the night. She affectingly told him, “you are my boyfriend!” and rubbed his leg as his hands and leg shook uncontrollably from the Parkinson’s… (I could cry!) Her devotion to him, her care for him, her love for him was AMAZING…I want to be half the wife she is…A couple times a week she would take him to their home and have him spend the day at home with her…other times she would spend the night with him. Of every love story I have watched…this is best one I have seen…And I can’t stop crying every time I think about it. I told Jared this is like a love story that does not have a happy ending…because he’s going to die…*sobs* Jared told me that no love story has a happy ending because we all die at some point…But it’s so unfair for him to die! And in this way!!
Mr. Kirby was happy to see Jared. His countenance lit up and he smiled. It had been 7 years since Jared was last in TX…Jared’s dad however, continues to be a regular visitor during his multiple trips to the US every year. At one time when he was speaking to Jared he seemed to have lost his trail of thought and struggled to say what he wanted to say…And then he said, “I hate being like this.” OH, my heart broke! I was fighting the tears!!! Every single day I was there I was fighting the tears! Then, Jared told him that he spoke with his parents and Mr. Kirby smiled…And then he said, “Tell them…tell them…thank you.” By this point I couldn’t stop the tears. NO, you are sick and dying, I thought to myself…and we should be the ones saying thank you…for all that you have done…not only for Jared and helping him through med school but also for helping Jared’s dad raise funds for the Jamaica School of Preaching…NO Mr. Kirby, THANK YOU!
Please pray for Margie’s strength…She is giving a lot of herself to care for her husband and needs all the prayers we can afford. This beautiful couple has touched so many lives and I am just honored to know them. When the bible talks about the older women teaching the younger women about how to take care of their husbands, this is what it was talking about! My prayer is that my heart would listen, and I would strive continuously, daily, to be the wife God calls me to be…I pray that our hearts would be as generous as the Kirby’s and like they have blessed us, we too would bless others.
Margie’s first husband died, and she later married Weldon Kirby. Originally, they owned a cattle farm but lost everything during a downturn in the economy in the 1980s. Almost instantly they were bankrupt! Can you imagine going from riches to poverty overnight? I’m not exactly sure how the story goes, but someone came and visited the Kirby’s and pointed out the stone in their yard. Little did they know they were sitting on hidden treasure…The bankrupt farm turned into Kirby’s Stone Company! And from there poverty turned to riches almost overnight!? Isn’t God awesome!
Sadly, Weldon was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease in 1991. Please read his story on Michael J. Fox’s website. Scroll down to his name: http://www.michaeljfox.org/living_FacesOfParkinsons.cfm.
But even with his diagnosis, Weldon fought on…and lived on…He continued to faithfully serve God, his family, and helped others. We owe it to the Kirby’s for where we are today…And we owe it to Jared’s parents for being the kindhearted and loving people they are…because through their kindness their son was blessed. You reap what you sow…and they sewed good seeds…A lesson for us all.
Without the Kirby’s Jared might not have been able to attend medical school! There is nothing we did to deserve this favor. But they gave, out of the kindness of their heart…they gave…And we are where we are today because they gave.
So what a privilege to meet this fantastic couple! Weldon’s illness had progressed so we made it a priority to visit with them. This was my first trip to TX and I was excited to meet them! Little did I know what a profound impact they would have on me! My time with them was emotionally overwhelming, encouraging, tear jerking, and spiritually uplifting. When I was with Margie, I felt I was in the presence of Jesus. SERIOUSLY!!! In ways I have not seen before, I saw a devoted wife with demonstrated humility. With wide open arms, and high spirit energy she welcomed us into her home.
Over the summer the hard decision was made to place Weldon in an assisted living home. This was extremely difficult for Margie but she could no longer care for him on her own. The place was impressive to say the least! Clean, comfortable, professional and friendly! As I watched Margie’s interaction with Weldon my heart melted. She rubbed his arms and legs as he struggled to make a logical sentence (a side effect of the illness). It was hard to see him like this…Sometimes it was difficult to understand what he said as his words were mumbled. But never once did she have a frustrated or tired look on her face…Instead, she knelt by his chair, held his hand, and patiently asked him what he said…At times she would try to help him get his thoughts together by asking if he was referring to this or that. Other times she jumped in his bed and rubbed his leg as she listened attentively. When the nurses would ask her if she wanted him to eat now, she would immediately turn and ask him if he wanted to eat now. What this taught me is that she treated him like a whole person despite his illness…She did not make decisions on behalf of him (though that would have been easier). Instead, every decision from where to eat, if to eat, where to sit etc. was made by him because she took the time to ask him…Even if he was slow to respond or struggled to respond, she just waited patiently and looked attentively. Even if he responds, “whatever you think is best,” she looks at him and say, “no hon, what do you what?”
The day we visited he was having a bad day (he caught a bug and was sick all night) she asked him if he wanted her to stay with him…and so she spent the night. She affectingly told him, “you are my boyfriend!” and rubbed his leg as his hands and leg shook uncontrollably from the Parkinson’s… (I could cry!) Her devotion to him, her care for him, her love for him was AMAZING…I want to be half the wife she is…A couple times a week she would take him to their home and have him spend the day at home with her…other times she would spend the night with him. Of every love story I have watched…this is best one I have seen…And I can’t stop crying every time I think about it. I told Jared this is like a love story that does not have a happy ending…because he’s going to die…*sobs* Jared told me that no love story has a happy ending because we all die at some point…But it’s so unfair for him to die! And in this way!!
Mr. Kirby was happy to see Jared. His countenance lit up and he smiled. It had been 7 years since Jared was last in TX…Jared’s dad however, continues to be a regular visitor during his multiple trips to the US every year. At one time when he was speaking to Jared he seemed to have lost his trail of thought and struggled to say what he wanted to say…And then he said, “I hate being like this.” OH, my heart broke! I was fighting the tears!!! Every single day I was there I was fighting the tears! Then, Jared told him that he spoke with his parents and Mr. Kirby smiled…And then he said, “Tell them…tell them…thank you.” By this point I couldn’t stop the tears. NO, you are sick and dying, I thought to myself…and we should be the ones saying thank you…for all that you have done…not only for Jared and helping him through med school but also for helping Jared’s dad raise funds for the Jamaica School of Preaching…NO Mr. Kirby, THANK YOU!
Please pray for Margie’s strength…She is giving a lot of herself to care for her husband and needs all the prayers we can afford. This beautiful couple has touched so many lives and I am just honored to know them. When the bible talks about the older women teaching the younger women about how to take care of their husbands, this is what it was talking about! My prayer is that my heart would listen, and I would strive continuously, daily, to be the wife God calls me to be…I pray that our hearts would be as generous as the Kirby’s and like they have blessed us, we too would bless others.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Bucket List
New Adventures for 2010
This year I didn’t make a new years resolution. Instead I developed a theme, a theme to live life to the fullest while I have it. I decided to take care of me, so I could take care of you. You see, sometimes we get so busy with life, that we lose sight of things that are important. When we lose sight of those things we get stressed, when we get stressed our inner core breaks down…And when that happens, we retreat…We retreat not to take care of ourselves, but to get away from others…to get away from stress. Then, we repeat the cycle, of never truly living life to the fullest, while never giving others their fair share. So, I decided that I have spent so much of my life sacrificing, and denying myself of things I want, that I am going to step out and go for it. I work 40 hours a week, and I think I deserve to feel the benefits of my job. A part of our budget is for personal spending and entertainment. Now, I am going to use that money and not deny myself of opportunities to see and experience the world. I started off the year with the hope that every month I would do something “special.” I am writing this to remind myself of my new year’s theme and not lose sight of what I started.
January – We went to our first new year’s party. We spent Christmas 2009 in Jamaica and I wanted to do something different. At $50 a pop we decided to go a party. A real party with music and dancing. We went, ate, had a couple drinks and people watched . Then that weekend we went to with my husband’s brother and wife to the beach. I am such a beach bomb so I couldn’t ask for anything better! We climbed Dunn’s River Falls and ate well at the hotel. It was a great start of 2010.
February – We saw our first Tyler Perry play. For so long I have always wanted to go…But for some reason I denied myself because someone didn’t want to go. This year, I don’t care who wants to go or not. My husband is always willing to indulge me and I will not take that for granted anymore. So the girls don’t want to go…who cares! I laughed so much a and had such a BLAST!
March – My first Alicia Keys concert!! I think I can go on record to say that Alicia is one of my favourite singers! And when she came in my area last year I didn’t go. Why? Because I thought the ticket prices were too expensive! HELLO! This year, since I made my new year’s theme, I decided that at $150 my husband and I can enjoy the Key’s concert. This was my very first concert in the US…And I had a great time. NOW, I will go to whoever concert I want to go to…
April – Jared and I visited Tammy and Kevin in St. Louis! And who is Tammy and Kevin, only the most adorable couple in the world! This was another strategic plan and part of my new years theme. I said to myself that I cannot let money stop me from visiting my most loved ones. If we waited until we have money, then we are waiting too long. My promise to them and myself is that I will make a trip to see them at least once a year. We did some sight-seeing in STL and walked into a Casino for the first time. St. Louis has lots of casinos so I thought, why not!? Went in, checked out the lights, watched people play some slots and left. I was told that the key to playing is to go in with just $20 with the idea that you are going to “throw away” $20 and expect nothing in return. Basically, just for fun…We thought about and would have done so if I had $20 cash…hmmm, didn’t want to pay the $4 ATM fee…that would be throwing away $24…no thank you. LOL! We did the St. Louis Arch, the butterfly house, and an interesting bowling alley…It was different because it seemed like an “adult” bowling alley with a full scale bar. Probably turns into a club…ah well, we went for the bowling. We had such a great time with my sis and her husband and would do it again in a heart beat!
For my birthday we went to a comedy show in Raleigh. OMG, I laughed so much!!! This was my first comedy show and was definitely on my list of things to do for 2010. I am glad I was able to do it. Afterwards we tried a new restaurant called Cuban Revolution. At that hour it was one of the few restaurants open that hour. My strawberry daiquiri was delicious, and so was my food. Jared said he didn’t like his food. The next day we made a quick trip to DC and saw a Grenadian play. (Was this the DC trip I bought 6 bottles of wine?) Had dinner with my high school friend from Trinidad and back to Durham!
Sometime in April I had the opportunity to walk with the Dreamers! They represent immigration issues I feel strongly about. You can read more about them at http://www.trail2010.org/about/ http://www.trail2010.org/about/. But this was another first for me…To participate in a walk, in NC, of my own doing…not for a class, or assignment or grade…but because I wanted to. Because I wanted to stand up for the thousands of immigrants in this country who do so much to make America what it is today. I walked, and walked, and walked, and then walked some more!
May – The Color Purple. Another play I always wanted to see. And for the same reason like the Key’s concert or the Tyler Perry play, I had not made it. But this year I made it my business to see the play! We had a great time!
June – Jared went to Jamaica for a month. I think before he left we did something for his birthday. I believe we played mini golf at Frankies Fun Park and had dinner. My high school friend Krystalle came to visit me from DC for the first time. We had a great time and tried two new restaurants – Zydeko a new Orleans styled restaurant with a nice jazz band with a lead singer (Crystal) who could not sing! Their jambalaya rice was really good! So much so, that I looked up some jambalaya recipes and added jambalaya rice and jambalaya pasta to my repertoire. The next restaurant was Nantucket Grill. They have large portion desserts but their food wasn’t all that. I tried it again with Jared and still wasn’t impressed with the food. Will go for dessert though. The one first is that we were not together for our anniversary since Jared was in Jamaica. 
July- This was a big month for us. We travelled to Trinidad for the Caribbean Lectureship. This was special for us because this is where we met, 12 years ago! In 1998 the Caribbean Lectureship was held in Trinidad and our paths crossed. Two years later we went to the same lectureship that was held in St. Lucia and really started talking. I visited for Christmas and he visited for Jamaica and one year later we decided to start dating and the rest is history! This time we were back as presenters! Well more so Jared…I was the trusty assistant. One of Jared’s greatest passions is to work with parents in a way that would help them to be better parents, thus bringing up better kids. Jared has spent the past year researching various parenting programs and I thought what better way to introduce his research and passion to the church, that to present at lectureship! We worked together on his presentation before we left, and I assisted with the group presentations. The workshop was well received and I was very proud of my husband for taking his research and translating it into something good for the church. I am happy that I am able to be part of this “Growing up process” of us. I envision that one day we would be the dynamic couple who can present information on parenting and marriage (my favorite topic) at conferences, workshops and more importantly churches.
After the 4 day lectureship we travelled to Tobago for the rest of the week. Remember I said that I am a beach bum. Well we were in walking distance of the beach! This was our first time going Tobago by ourselves. We met up with some friends (Marsha and her family) and had a blast! As I journeyed through Tobago I could not help but think what a beautiful country I have. I never realized how scenic Tobago was until then. We trinis don’t know what we have until we don’t have it anymore. This Tobago trip was our anniversary getaway and it was a beautiful and peaceful getaway!
August – Jared’s sister and her husband visited us for the first time together! All the way from Jamaica. We went to DC for one day and visited some of the monuments and musiems. It was a one day trip and a LONG but fun day. We also took them to Carowinds theme park and I concurred my fears of roller coasters thanks to Roger!!! What a thrill!!! Those where your feet dangle in the air feel less scary than those where your feet are planted on something. It was super crazy and fast but exhilarating!
September – What did we do in September? We had our housewarming!!! After 10 months of living in our new home we were finally able to paint, clean, and put together our house and welcome everyone. This was the cleanest I ever saw my house and I think it would be the cleanest ever. It was like Christmas cleaning to tell you the truth. I was happy that we were able to have a number of first timers to our home…both from church and our work. My desire is have a home that is open and welcoming. I plan to make a more concerted effort to extend my hospitality to those I normally don’t reach, like my co-workers and older folks from church. My house definitely felt warm and the paint colors look fabulous!!
October – Our trip is not here yet but we will be travelling to Dallas and NY at the end of the month. I have never been to TX before I am really excited to visit! TX is potentially a state that we would consider living in the future so it’s great that I am getting a taste. We decided to visit TX because it was a trip long overdue! We will be visiting the Kirby’s who was instrumental in helping Jared through undergrad and med school. I owe it to them to meet them. Coupled with the fact that Weldon is sick and getting sicker :(. For the second half of the week we will be going to NY…Jared has a child conference he wanted to attend, so I thought it would be the perfect time to visit my dad. I hope to do something funtabulous while in NY. We have not done any of the “touristy” things in NY yet, so perhaps we’ll venture out and visit a couple museums and the statue of liberty…maybe even catch a show and see a little night life!
November – Jared’s folks are visiting us for Thanksgiving! They have not been to our new home so this will be exciting having them there. I love them so much, they are the best in-laws ever!! I also hope we can make a trip to the mountains. I wanted to go last year but it didn’t happen. I would like to go white water rafting again and take in the scenic mountain view!
December – TBD. I am not sure where we will go for Christmas. I was hoping we could go to Trinidad if my visa approval came back in time. But after looking at ticket prices at $800 a piece, I don’t think that’s a possibility. Maybe prices will drop? Either way, I can only go to Trinidad if my visa application is approved because my visa is expired and I cant travel outside of the US until I get it. Bummer.
Things I hope to do:
• Skiing/snow tubing
• White water rafting (again…maybe when we go to the mountains)
• Camping
• Horseback riding
• Wine tasting (Dublin)
• Cruise (hopefully for my birthday)
• Florida Keys (hopefully for our 5th year anniversary)
• Trinidad – to get my visa (December or later)
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Phone Call
Today I called my step mom and dad…
Background- For the past year (LITERALLY) I have been trying to get my father to come and visit me in North Carolina. Since I have been in the U.S. NONE of my family have visited me…NOT EVEN FOR GRADUATION!! I digress. To be honest, I feel a little…no, a LOT hurt by that sometimes. I have been blessed to have my in-laws, friends, and church family near and far come and visit…But for some reason, it’s not my family’s prerogative. I have visited them…from NY to CA…I have visited my sisters…But I am still waiting on the day they would chose to visit me. Anyway, since we got our new home last year I have been asking my dad to come and visit me. At first, I told him that I wanted him to come and help us paint the house…I thought it would be a noble task for my daddy to help paint one of my rooms. Unfortunately, my step mother did not take me seriously and when it was time for me to buy the tickets, I got a WHOLE lot of BS…One big hullabaloo. My oldest sister even got involved and told me that I should NOT plan things without telling mom (my step mom) first. See, the problem was that my step mom never took me seriously…and it was ONLY when I told my father I purchased the ticket (I lied), everyone started to make a big deal out of it…
Well after several tense email exchanges with my oldest sister in November 2009, I was told that dad could not travel because my step mom was planning to have a surgery…A surgery that has not happened up to now! After the last email my sister sent me (which was way out of line) I never responded…and I have not spoken to her since…I decided that I was fed up of the crap she was dishing out. And I was simply tired of her talking down to me like I am some child of hers! Initially I had typed a response…but I never sent it…I recently emailed her a short “how are you doing?” email, but I have not heard back. Ah well…
Then in April, I found out that daddy went on a cruise…Hmmm, how interesting that you guys can plan a cruise to the freaking Caribbean, but not a 2 hour trip to see me! In June he went to Trinidad…and TODAY, I find out he is going to California by my sister.
WTH!!! So hold up…Am I just being tossed aside like nothing?????
OK, so today I called and my step mother answered…and usually she talks for a few minutes and passes the phone to my father…This time I decided to ask a question upfront before she had time to pass the phone. So I told her I would like for them to come to my house warming on September 25…It was then she told me (after pondering the date for a while) that they plan to go to LA…maybe around that time. OH really! So I decided to push a little and I asked her if they were not planning to visit me. And then she started on her usual rampage about how she does not visit any of the other children, and she does not like to go by anyone, and that I know why they HAVE TO GO to LA…So I asked why they had to go??…if it was because of health reasons? And said to me that I am smart and I know why…And just send a picture of the house…And then she hastily came off the phone and passed it to my dad.
Well, by that time I was in tears…And all I said to my father was hello…and silence…how are you? He asked me what was wrong and said that I didn’t sound like myself…Awww, how sweet *tear* So I told him that I heard that he was going to California and that it seems like he’s not making plans to come visit me. He said that he was not sure what was going on but my sister (who is a pediatrician) wanted him to come back to CA so he could see the doctors there and get checked out…OK, fair enough I thought…BUT WHAT ABOUT ME!??? I told him that since last year he has been promising to visit me and since then he has been on a cruise, made it to Trinidad and now going to CA!!! Why am I getting the bitter end of the stick??? He told me not to worry and he promises that he would come…He said that he would come even if he has to come alone…And he will come before the year is done…Probably when he gets back from CA. But this was the first time, in the past year, that my dad really spoke to my heart…And I felt that he really understood how hurt I have been by him not visiting me…And I hope (like the 10 year old girl within me)…I hope he comes through.
Even though my step mom said that she does not visit the other kids, I know my daddy…and I know that he would like to visit me…I know in his heart he wants to…and that’s all that matters to me…
But I must confess that this is a tough battle to fight…Especially since I don’t have much close relatives and my daddy is my closest blood relative to me…He is 80 years old and I know that he may not have much time left on this earth…And when he is gone, I will feel like an orphan…(I love you daddy)…
The tears can’t stop flowing as I write this…
From the heart of a 10 year old girl, in a 29 year old body…
I will pray, sing and meditate on Ps. 61:1-3
Psalm 61
1Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer.
2From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
3For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.
And when my heart is overwhelmed, Lord lead me to the rock that is higher than I….That is higher than I.
Background- For the past year (LITERALLY) I have been trying to get my father to come and visit me in North Carolina. Since I have been in the U.S. NONE of my family have visited me…NOT EVEN FOR GRADUATION!! I digress. To be honest, I feel a little…no, a LOT hurt by that sometimes. I have been blessed to have my in-laws, friends, and church family near and far come and visit…But for some reason, it’s not my family’s prerogative. I have visited them…from NY to CA…I have visited my sisters…But I am still waiting on the day they would chose to visit me. Anyway, since we got our new home last year I have been asking my dad to come and visit me. At first, I told him that I wanted him to come and help us paint the house…I thought it would be a noble task for my daddy to help paint one of my rooms. Unfortunately, my step mother did not take me seriously and when it was time for me to buy the tickets, I got a WHOLE lot of BS…One big hullabaloo. My oldest sister even got involved and told me that I should NOT plan things without telling mom (my step mom) first. See, the problem was that my step mom never took me seriously…and it was ONLY when I told my father I purchased the ticket (I lied), everyone started to make a big deal out of it…
Well after several tense email exchanges with my oldest sister in November 2009, I was told that dad could not travel because my step mom was planning to have a surgery…A surgery that has not happened up to now! After the last email my sister sent me (which was way out of line) I never responded…and I have not spoken to her since…I decided that I was fed up of the crap she was dishing out. And I was simply tired of her talking down to me like I am some child of hers! Initially I had typed a response…but I never sent it…I recently emailed her a short “how are you doing?” email, but I have not heard back. Ah well…
Then in April, I found out that daddy went on a cruise…Hmmm, how interesting that you guys can plan a cruise to the freaking Caribbean, but not a 2 hour trip to see me! In June he went to Trinidad…and TODAY, I find out he is going to California by my sister.
WTH!!! So hold up…Am I just being tossed aside like nothing?????
OK, so today I called and my step mother answered…and usually she talks for a few minutes and passes the phone to my father…This time I decided to ask a question upfront before she had time to pass the phone. So I told her I would like for them to come to my house warming on September 25…It was then she told me (after pondering the date for a while) that they plan to go to LA…maybe around that time. OH really! So I decided to push a little and I asked her if they were not planning to visit me. And then she started on her usual rampage about how she does not visit any of the other children, and she does not like to go by anyone, and that I know why they HAVE TO GO to LA…So I asked why they had to go??…if it was because of health reasons? And said to me that I am smart and I know why…And just send a picture of the house…And then she hastily came off the phone and passed it to my dad.
Well, by that time I was in tears…And all I said to my father was hello…and silence…how are you? He asked me what was wrong and said that I didn’t sound like myself…Awww, how sweet *tear* So I told him that I heard that he was going to California and that it seems like he’s not making plans to come visit me. He said that he was not sure what was going on but my sister (who is a pediatrician) wanted him to come back to CA so he could see the doctors there and get checked out…OK, fair enough I thought…BUT WHAT ABOUT ME!??? I told him that since last year he has been promising to visit me and since then he has been on a cruise, made it to Trinidad and now going to CA!!! Why am I getting the bitter end of the stick??? He told me not to worry and he promises that he would come…He said that he would come even if he has to come alone…And he will come before the year is done…Probably when he gets back from CA. But this was the first time, in the past year, that my dad really spoke to my heart…And I felt that he really understood how hurt I have been by him not visiting me…And I hope (like the 10 year old girl within me)…I hope he comes through.
Even though my step mom said that she does not visit the other kids, I know my daddy…and I know that he would like to visit me…I know in his heart he wants to…and that’s all that matters to me…
But I must confess that this is a tough battle to fight…Especially since I don’t have much close relatives and my daddy is my closest blood relative to me…He is 80 years old and I know that he may not have much time left on this earth…And when he is gone, I will feel like an orphan…(I love you daddy)…
The tears can’t stop flowing as I write this…
From the heart of a 10 year old girl, in a 29 year old body…
I will pray, sing and meditate on Ps. 61:1-3
Psalm 61
1Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer.
2From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
3For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.
And when my heart is overwhelmed, Lord lead me to the rock that is higher than I….That is higher than I.
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