Humble Beginnings

In 1998 I met Jared at the28th annual Caribbean Lectureship that was hosted in my home country of Trinidad. We were both 17 years old at the time. He came with his parents along with the Mona Acapella choir from Jamaica. Our paths crossed thanks to my best friend, Tammy. She introduced “Brother Kiddoe’s” son to me. She knew of him because his dad stayed at their house a couple years aback.
Well, at the time I had a boyfriend so I was not interested in anything romantic. A little naïve, I asked if we could be friends. Well, mister had something else in mind and said that if he can’t have me then we can’t be friends. HOW IMMATURE! Humph! We spent a bit of time during the lectureship getting to know each other. Again, I just wanted to be friends…but he wanted more. We exchanged contact info the last day. Over the next two years I probable wrote him a couple times and spoke to him on the phone a couple times. Nothing serious. He told me that he was planning to attend college in the U.S. Ironically, I wanted to study abroad myself!

Two years later the lectureship was being host by the Church of Christ in St. Lucia. I made plans to attend and called him a couple weeks before to find out if he was going. He said he was not sure. Ah well, I was just excited to venture out of the country to see another beautiful island! By that time I was fourteen months into my second relationship. A relationship characterized by turmoil and utter frustration, while at the same time deeply attached to each other. At 19 I already had in mind that I would marry him…We had joint accounts and everything! But there was something wrong…We argued more than we had fun…But he was a budding preacher…and good brother…But something was not right…I cried more than I smiled. I was frustrated by the image of appear to be a great couple when I knew we were not!!! Something was wrong.

When I went to the Caribbean Lectureship in St. Lucia and I figured out what was wrong…I had lost myself in this man. I had depended on him for my happiness…I was looking for him to give me what no one could give me…happiness. As I attended the lectures and fellowshipped with the saints, my soul was on a spiritual high…And for the first time in a LONG time, I was at peace, I was happy. I am thankful for this Lectureship because it changed the course of my life. At 19, I honestly thought I was destined to be unhappy. I thought that he was the best I could do and I would just have to live like this…unhappy.

Sunday we went to worship (the first day of the lectureship) and there was Jared! Yaaay! You made it! What a pleasant surprise :-). We hung out with each other for the entire lectureship. I was mesmerized by his witty charm. For a brief moment I had forgotten about my dreadful relationship. Until he called…Yep, he called me just to see how I was doing…And I was UP-SET! “Why are you calling me!? Can’t I get a break!?” That is when it hit me…He was not the one for me…I know I can be happy because I am happy right now…Happy to be away from you…Crazy! As soon as I got back to Trinidad at the end of that week I told him that I can’t do it anymore…I can’t continue with our relationship. And we ended a 14 month relationship. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do…We were soooo connected…We were physically connected…and I think dysfunction attracts dysfunction.

I told myself that this year is for me…Just for me…to work on me, to work on my relationship with God, and to learn to be happy with myself, by myself. Jared and I acknowledged that we liked each other, but I made it clear that I was not ready for a relationship. I did not want him to be the rebound man. So we remained friends. And for that year we talked on line, kept in touch and just worked on getting to know each other as friends. That December I traveled to Jamaica to visit with him. I almost went to Grenada instead but thank God that didn’t work out :-).

Funny story – When I went to JA, I told Jared that we could not be together because I wanted to be a preacher’s wife…And since he wanted to be a doctor, we could not work out. Hahahaha. I was serious too. That was probably the day after Christmas and poor Jared was depressed. We continued as friends, and I eventually grew to realize that I should be with someone for who they are, not their profession. By the following summer, Jared came to Trinidad and we became “official” at age 20. We dated long distance for 5 years. Two of those years I was in Trinidad and he was in Texas! The other three years, I was in SC and he was in NC.

At age 25 we jumped the broom and we have been happily married for 4 years. I look at him and I can’t help but think that I picked the right one!!

Last week we went to the 40th annual Caribbean Lectureship that was held in Trinidad. It was great to go back to where we started. Two ditsy 17 year old…From since that time so much has changed. I graduated high school, did A’Levels, went to Preaching School for two years…Came to the U.S. and completed my undergrad in 3 years, got married, started working, completed my MSW, bought a house and car, got a promotion…Jared graduated from ACU with a Biochemistry degree…then went to Duke Med and came out with a M.D. AND M.A. in Psychology. He is now in his 3rd year of residency and is practicing in the field of Psychiatry. I would have never imagined how the Lord would have led us to where we are now…God is amazing.

Last week at the Caribbean lectureship, Jared (with my assistance) presented a 3 day parenting workshop. He feels so passionate about making a difference and felt that the one sure way to make a difference is to start with the parents. Since he eventually wants to work with children, he knows that it is almost impossible to work with a child if their parents are not on board. They can undo all the good that was done in therapy. So he thought what better way to help, than to teach parents how to be better parents…And then they can raise better children…And ultimately strengthen our communities. He has invested a lot of time and energy researching the parenting field, and sourcing materials that have been evidenced based. It was amazing to see how someone so young, with no kids of his own, be able to use his professional experience in working with this families, and his education background, to translate that into something the church can benefit from.

The feedback from the class was excellent! One sister even said that she has to go home and apologize to her two kids (17 & 24). WOW. That alone told me that the class was successful. To God be the glory!

I am so proud of you honey…And proud to see our humble beginnings. I cannot wait to see what the future will hold and how the Lord will continue to use us to strengthen his church.