My Blog - I MISS YOU!

OMG - It has been quite a while since I was last on here! I miss you, my blog - and followers :). I have been doing well but have been quite busy to say the least...So in the last couple of months I have experienced quite a bit...Our best couple friend from NC moved to TX...(I am finally now in the "acceptance stage" and have stopped crying)...I joined a sewing class (don't laugh)...I visited by bestest girl-friend and sister after 18 months...I am attending the Family to Family class sponsored by NAMI. It's a class for people who have a family member with a mental illnesses (more on than later)...And we have stepped up our involvement with the college ministry...Work...well, work has been interesting...I have been helping out with some other stuff and that has kept me quite busy...So with all of that going on, I have not had a moment to write...And I miss it so much! There have been so many moments when I wanted to write...where I have been motivated, and inspired to write something...But I was just at the wrong place...or was too tired :(

Exercise is my Friend!

I am very proud to say that I have been exercising fairly consistently, at least 3-4 times per week. My goal for the end of August is twofold. I would like to increase my workout days to 5 times a week and lose 3-5 pounds and develop better eating habbits. I don’t understand why the scale keeps telling me lies!! One day it says 187, the next day its 183, and next day its 185! Can you just tell me how much I weigh and stop ‘flipping the script’ every day, twice a day! I figure that if I set a goal of losing 3-5 pounds then I would actually see the 179 number! But as I stated before, my 30 pound challenge is not about losing weight only. It’s about developing a healthy lifestyle and really developing some healthier habits.

A Heart that Forgives - Song by Kevin Levar

I saw a link to this song on facebook and I thought the words were so powerful that I had to share! I have been meditating on this...learning to love like Jesus...This song just put everything I was thinking into words. So beautiful. Click here to listen to the music video on youtube.

I want a heart that forgives
A heart full of love
One with compassion just like Yours above
One that overcomes evil with goodness and love
Like it never happened, never holding a grudge
I want a heart that forgives that lives and lets live
One that keeps loving over and over again
One that men can’t offend
Because Your Word is within
One that loves without price, like You Lord Jesus Christ
I want a heart that loves everybody....even my enemies
I want to love like You, be like You, just like You did
I want a heart that forgives,

I want a heart that forgives!
When the ones that are closest, that I’ve known the longest, hurt me the most;
I still wanna love them just like You love me
Even though I’m hurting
I want a heart that forgives
When the pain is so deep, it’s so hard to speak, about it to anyone
Just like Your Son, I give up my right to hold it against them with hatred inside
I want a heart that loves everybody....even my enemies
I wanna love like You, be like You, just like You did
Wanna walk like You, talk like You, just like You did,
Wanna be like You, live like You, just like You did
'Cause the heart that forgives is the heart that will live
Totally free from the pain of the past
And the heart that lets go is the heart that will know so much freedom

Lord I wanna let it go
God I need to let it go
Lord its been holding me back
And I don't want it, I don't want it, I don't
I don't want it no more
I don’t know exactly what to do to get rid of it, but ah...
Here I am Lord Jesus, here I am ohh, here I am Lord Jesus...ohh
Lord I need You, I need You, I know this is me that You're talking to
This is me, this is me, this is me Lord, this is me
Lord I let it go, every person, every person that's ever hurt me
God I let it go
Every single hurt
God I let it go
Every single pain
God I let it go, I let it go, I let it go
Lord You can have it, Lord You can have it,
Lord You can have it, Lord You can have it,
You can have it now, You can have it now,
'Cause I don't want it no......more

At the Crossroads of a Friendship

What to do?

I struggled with deciding what to do with my friendship about Jamie…Was it wrong for me to “abandon” our friendship because Jamie might be down and out but not saying so? Would it be wrong for me to stop being “friends” with Jamie? Could I stop being friends with Jamie and still love Jamie? Again, what with Jesus do?

As I struggled with these thoughts, I became tearful…Once again I found myself in a situation where a seemingly close friend is abandoning me. Why does this always happen to me? What is it about me that I attract these friends that cannot stand the test of time? Why am I not worth fighting for? Is something wrong with me???

Loving Friends Despite…

Is it wrong to sever ties with a “friend” who no longer fulfills the role of a friend? Is it possible to still love that person yet not be friends? What would Jesus do? The Bible talks about loving everyone, especially your enemies…What good is it if a man only loves those who love him…The Bible suggests that it is easy to love those who love us but very difficult to love those who do not love us. I am learning more and more how true that is. 

I used to think that I didn’t have enemies. I thought enemies came in the form of people who were blatantly against you…People who would desire the worst for you…People who were against your very being. But I realized that enemies don’t come dressed as scary monsters that we sometimes think of. Enemies can grow up right in your back yard…Or even in your own house…They come dressed as siblings, friends, mothers, fathers, spouses, family members and church members. They are the people you least suspect…The people you give your all too…And they are the people who often hurt you the most. So the question of the day is, how do you love them when they don’t love you…Or seemingly don’t love you…If I had the scary monster enemies, that would be easy…BUT they are so far removed from my life that I don’t even know they exist. But those people in my back yard…The ones I see all the time…How do you love them despite their lack of love?