My Little Faith Story

Blog!! My people! I have missed you! Oh my gosh, I have SOOO fallen off the map! So much has happened in December and January, and well 2011…Where do I begin!? I have to do better. Blogging has become one of my side hobbies and I really enjoy doing it…But then life happens and I get a little distracted. I keep saying that I will do better…ahhhh….hopefully 2012…I am already off to a late start!

Well HAPPY NEW YEAR! If I have not told you already! There is a lot on my mind, but I can only write one post at a time :). So today I want to share my recent faith story.

From time to time I scope out the classifieds just so I can get a feel for what is out there in my field. I like to read job descriptions to see if one day I would find that “dream job” that is screaming my name. This search is often very casual and never in a serious attempt to look for a job…Because one, I have a job…Two I like my job (most days), and Three it is going to take a heck of a lot for me to move to another job…because for me it’s not about money (though that is a very important consideration) but what I can do or how I can grow.

Sometimes, when I have one of “those days” at work where I feel frustrated, I am motivated to “look” for jobs…Not that I want to leave…But I always like to know that IF I want to leave I can…And that I don’t have to feel trapped. But sometimes I do feel trapped, because I don’t always see things that appeal to me. I majored in social work for undergrad and graduate school. And the type of SW I selected was the macro/administrative side of social work. I am not the person in the front lines…I am the person behind the scenes helping to make the system (program) run better, and more efficiently. I love that. But findings those types of “macro” jobs in social work are few and far between.

Well on this casual day in November…I spotted a job that met my fancy. I did a double-take…Is this real!? HOLD ON…Am I reading correctly? Wait…Did I just stumble upon my “dream job”!!!???? Let me look at this again…Yes the date is current…Okay…And it’s still open…okay…hmmm….I read the job description…and then I read it again…And then again…There were two jobs…Both appealed to me…But both of them seemed “above my league.” In other words, I felt that I was not qualified for this position…But this is where I WANT to be!

I work for a local mentoring organization, and this position was based in the head office (so to speak), the National organization of this local organization. As a matter of fact, when I interviewed for my current position, I said that my goal…my next career goal…is to work for the National organization – Big Brothers Big Sisters of AMERICA! Now in my field, this is like hitting the jackpot! And now, little ole me is presented with an opportunity…for a dream job!

I pined over it a couple days and decided that I was NOT going to apply…I thought about it and after reading the job description several times, I realized that I was not good enough…I took one of the job descriptions and met with my supervisor to discuss how I can gain further experience to become more aligned with this position…Then I told her she should consider applying for the other position!!

Then I told my mentor at work about the job descriptions and about my desire to grow professionally. I shared some frustration I was experiencing currently and that I was feeling as though I was not growing professionally. So he encouraged me to apply…But why? I wont get the job even if I do…I would just be wasting my time…But that’s not the point Kaara…The simple experience of updating your resume, writing a cover letter, and applying for a job is a skill set…And this can simply be looked as a learning opportunity…Okay…I guess…

After thinking about it for a couple weeks and going back and forth, I applied. The first job I was a little half-hearted as I didn’t submit a cover letter. Well, what had happened was…there was this online application thingee…and they didn’t ask for a cover letter. And it was only after I clicked “submit” that I realized I could have simply copied one in the “comments” section. *sigh* I guess if I am doing this I should do it right! So I immediately wrote a ‘banging’ cover letter for the second position…Now, how do I know my cover letter was good – because my mentor, about 2 years ago, showed me how to write a “you want me” cover letter. And so I applied that skill in this letter…I felt good about it…clicked submit…and went on with my day…

That was a neat experience…I updated my resume, which I had not done in over a year and a half…and I wrote a cover letter. I felt good. Next on my list is to update my professional portfolio…

So Christmas came, and we went to Jamaica to spend time with Jared’s family. Well that was an interesting trip to say the least. Let’s just say that our trip ended with us being robbed! YES, robbed! We were staying in a villa with Jared’s family for a few days after Christmas…And while us youngins were out and about, a thief broke into our room. In broad daylight, while Jared’s parents were home with his 2 year old nephew! They took my iphone (which I miss so much), laptop, camera, engagement ring and wedding ring! It was sad…But the situation really highlighted to me the blessings that I do have…Those were mere physical things that I can replace. Though I can never replace the sentimental value of my iphone…I mean wedding rings. After that incident I thanked God tremendously for my blessings. I thanked God for the love that my in-laws so freely give…And the fact that I have such a wonderful husband who does so much to make me happy…And friends…beautiful friends…Friends in the Lord who I count as my family…My Christian family…My church…my job…the fact that I have one…I thank God that no one was hurt…No harm was done to any of us, let alone Jared’s parents…Having things stolen from you is a violating feeling…No one likes to experience those things…But the gifts God blesses us with can never be stolen! The love of my friends…The company of my fellow Christians…The fellowship I share is simply priceless. And as I made a list totaling the things I lost…I felt even richer…Because I recognized the true blessings God has given me. Thanks to the recommendation of a few friends, we filed a claim with our home owners insurance and got the full value for most of our items. I am happy…This just means that it was time for an upgrade…that’s all!

All this happened on a Tuesday…We left Jamaica Wednesday and went back to work on Friday. Then I see an email…An email from Big Brothers Big Sisters of America – asking me for a phone interview….WHAT!!!!! I had forgotten about you guys…WOW…Wait – WHAT!? Hold on…But I THOUGHT that I was not qualified enough…how in the world did they look through all those resumes and pick mine!? OMG!!! WOW!!! I can’t believe it! Jump for joy! At that point if the race ended for me there, I would feel good…Because it was at that moment I realized that I had doubted the power of God…All the while I thought I would not even be considered…And here God is telling me…”remember who is in control.”

OK – so I prepared for this phone interview like never before. Trust me when I tell you…I have NEVER, in my life STUDIED for an interview until this point…Remember – this is the jackpot job…So I wanted to give it my everything! I met with my mentor and he helped coached me through some interview questions.

I had the phone interview and they asked waaaaay more questions than I anticipated. I thought this was just a simple weeding out process! I didn’t know they were going to ask 20 questions as though this was an in-person interview!!! But at the end of the interview I felt so defeated. There were a couple of questions I thought I didn’t answer well…And I sat in my chair for almost 2 hours thinking about what I said…what I SHOULD have said…and What I didn’t say…By the end of that thought process I felt dejected. I came home and just wanted to sulk and eat brownies and ice-cream so I could feel better. But I was on a fast – so no brownies and ice-cream…So I guess I will just sulk then…They told me that they would let me know something by “next week.”

Should I send a thank you letter? Would that make a difference? Well, a full week had passed and I had not heard anything so I decided to send a thank you letter. In it, I wrote about one of the examples that I wanted to share but didn’t… I felt good about the thank you email.

The following week I receive an email saying, “congratulations, you have been selected for a second interview.” WHAT!!!! WOOW! ME!? Hold on, come again!? I went into my mentor’s office with a look of utter SHOCK on my face…I can’t believe it, I said…I am in SHOCK! Again, God is showing me who is in control…But I am like the children is Israel…Even after God has proved Himself they still doubt, complain and question God…But at this point I am slowly accepting that God is doing all of this…And it was nothing that I did or did not do…

They sent me a couple of scenario questions to respond to and I send them back a 5 page essay and power point in response. Yes – I am a bit of an eager beaver. I had my second interview and I felt good about it this time. After the interview I just felt at peace. I trusted that God was in control, and that He was leading me through this journey. I asked a few of my friends to pray for me…and one of my sister girls wrote back and said that she would pray for God to protect me if this job is not for me. That is such a beautiful prayer…YES! Indeed! My prayer was that I do not want this job if it will negatively affect my marriage and my relationship with God and the church. Simply put. And with that, I entrusted everything to God and that He will provide me with what is best for me…And I trusted in whatever the outcome would be…Ohhhh….what a beautiful feeling when you let go and just trust God…When you allow Him to have complete control of your life…I felt like I was walking on cloud 9. I was high as the sky Friday!

However….UMMM…BUT…On Tuesday, I get an email from BBBSA with an employment application to complete. And on the application has a question that asks, “Are you legally allowed to work in the US.” Check YES or NO…The moment I read that question I instantly felt nervous! My heart started racing and I quickly forgot that God was in control. OMG- panic! What to do! HELP! I called my BFF and asked her what to do…Check yes? Check no? But if I check no then that would be the end of the process…And if I check yes…it does not really tell them that I would need a visa! YIKES! And then should I tell them that I need a visa now? Or wait for the job offer!? And if I tell them now, would they then say well thanks for wasting our time cause we don’t do work visas!? And what it? And what if? And what if?

Yes, I was acting like a crazy lady. And totally stressing myself out! For a job that I was not even going to apply to in the first place!! In teaching sisters’ class yesterday, I shared with the ladies that I realized that I am a control freak. From the very beginning, I thought I was the one that was causing all of this to happen. The fact that I didn’t even want to apply because I was not good enough downplayed the God that I serve. The fact that I had a pity-party after my first phone interview showed that I didn’t trust in God…And now that I am all of a sudden anxious because of my visa situation, is me trying to control a situation I have NO control over. That’s the problem right there…I am anxious because I cannot control what they would say, think or how they would react when they find out that I need a visa…I am anxious because they can say NO we don’t file for work visas here…I am anxious because there is nothing I can do about it…And that’s my problem. God has lead me through this entire situation to show me that he is the author of my life…God wants me to put complete trust and faith in Him…That even when I can’t see a way, he has already made a way…God wants me to believe that if I need him to move a mountain (my $2335 visa) then He can do that…Because HE is God!

AND God can chose to answer my prayer – to protect me from this job if it’s not for me – any way He would like…Whether it’s through an outright NO you didn’t get the job…or NO you didn’t get the visa…I see it now! I see the light Lord!!!

We talked about the 3 Hebrew boys in sisters’ class yesterday…And one of the things they told the king was that we know that our God can rescue us from your hand…BUT EVEN IF HE DOES NOT, we will NOT bow down to you and your statue…(Daniel 3). Yes they KNOW the power of their God…But even if God does NOT do what I would like or what I would want…EVEN IF…so what!?

I KNOW that my God can give me this job…But even if he does not…I will not lose faith…And I will not be anxious or worried…I will be thankful for His greatness…His goodness…And for protecting me from something that I may not need in my life right now. While I may think this is a great professional opportunity for me…It does require 30-40% travel…And who knows how that can adversely affect my life…I don’t know…I can only imagine that I would make it work…But guess who knows?…God does…And now I fully trust Him to make the decision for me…And to allow me to go where and need to go or stay where I need to stay! Because at the end of the day, my prayer is not that I get the job, but that I get the job ONLY if it will not draw me away from God and my family.